Tuesday, August 12, 2008

After The Sentencing

I was not required to go to the sentencing, but I thought it would be a good idea to help me heal..........Bad Idea!

Yesterday was the sentencing and few people showed up. The Rock accompanied me to it. It was scheduled to be first on the docket and was fifty minutes late. There I sat with my tiny little row of supporters, waiting and waiting. That in itself was stressful.

When the time arrived two of the organisms family members entered the courtroom. It was the organisms mother and grandmother. I felt horrible, the guilt was my main feeling. People have asked me how I could feel guilt. I saw two family members who loved that organism and were in agony, I was indirectly involved in that.

When the organism entered the courtroom it did not look up at me or its family. Again, I felt a tremendous feeling of guilt. Why? I'll tell you why. I saw a beaten down individual who now had part of its life taken away and again I was indirectly involved.

The Dynamic Duo tried to get it into my head that the organisms made that choice when it kicked in my door and assaulted me. I realize that is rational but the feeling of guilt was prevalent.

I don't remember much of what the judge said I was overwhelmed with feelings. I felt of course the guilt, fear, terror, anger, and sadness.

My victim impact statement was read but not by me. I had the choice, but there was no way I could get up in front of the organism and see its face. The assistant district attorney read it for me.

Alot of legal jargin was said and there were no objections from the organisms side.

Towards the end the judge stated that the fines the organism had to pay would be suspended due to paying restitution. I saw the organisms grandmother shack her head and rage went through me. I wanted to yell WHAT THE HELL.........YOUR UPSET BECAUSE YOUR KIN HAS TO PAY ME FOR THE DAMN DOOR IT KICKED IN , WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU YOU GERIATRIC BI**H!! Of course I restrained myself........WHICH IS SOMETHING THE ORGANISM SHOULD HAVE DONE MONTHS AGO!

By the end of it all, I was very tense and shook up, to put it lightly. As soon as "all rise" was said I was crying, panicked, and on my way to the nearest exit.

I needed to leave fast, I did not want to see the organisms face or any member of its family. The only clear thing I remember through the tears and panick was cussing at the elevator. All I wanted was to get out of there and the elevator would not come......SURFREAKINPRISE! I recall saying " What the hell, there are only two damn floors."

All in all, the event which should have been a day of victory and relief was very traumatizing.

My opinion.......don't go to the sentencing unless you feel completely stable (don't know how you could) or absolutely have to.


Victoria Placeo

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