Wednesday, August 6, 2008

My Support System - Family Not Included

One thing that is very important that I have learned the hard way, is have your support system in place.

I am not going to refer to my family in this or any future posts as mother, father, sister, or brother. I will refer to them as 1,2,3, and 4. In no particular order of importance. I do this so I won't make my family look bad, although in my opinion they have not been great.

Anyway onto the story after the incident, my family was there briefly, they seemed concerned and I am sure they were. One day shortly after the incident, my family could not find me. I was in the town I told them I was going to be in, but they did not know the location or number to reach me at.

At the organism was out on bail and I was to fearful to stay at my family's house due to their and my safety. So, I told them where I was going, a town about 20 miles away. That information seemed good enough for them.

Well it was not, when they could not find me they worried and thought I was dead, can't blame them for that. When I found out that they what was going on I called them and family member 2 answered the phone, and told me not to contact them anymore, because they thought I was dead. Not the thing I needed to hear from a family member THREE DAYS AFTER A RAPE!

I decided then and their that I had to tell people outside my family to develop a support system, knowing I needed it. I chose three, let the police know if they had to contact me to contact one of the three and not my family. Those three also had each others numbers in case they needed to find me.

My family did not call for days and days. I received a call from family member number one, lecturing me on how I was an inconvenience because they had to be the go between. WELL EXCUSE ME....IF A FAMILY WHO IS SUPPOSE TO UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE YOU TELLS YOU TO LEAVE THEM ALONE YOU DO, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU NEED ALL THE SUPPORT YOU CAN GET.

I turned to my magnificent three as I will call them for support when I needed it and they were there. One individual I shall call The Rock:) Makes it a little flattering for them. Those three checked on me everyday, and I didn't hear word from my family.

One day while I was back at my apartment family member 2 stopped by to give me my birthday gifts. My rape took place two days before my 31st birthday. Family member 2 asked if I was still planning on going to the concert we planned to go to before the incident. ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK, DO YOU EVEN THINK A DAMN CONCERT WAS ON MY MIND!

Numerous things occurred up till now with the family. They would ask me to come to town and go out. ONCE AGAIN, SMOKING CRACK? No, I don't feel like being around a crowded bar and especially in the small town WHERE I WAS RAPED!!

Family number 3 was going away and the rest of the family was having a dinner to wish them goodbye, I was not invited. Over memorial day, they asked if I was coming to the house, once again in the small town, to see the extended family. I did and it was not even discussed, to embarrassing I suppose for the immediate family.

Family member number 1 just weeks ago asked about the marks on my face and I explained that I had to take my nails off due to nightmares. Family number 1's response was "your fucked up, you need more counseling". Coming from someone with OCD. NOW REALLY, WHO SAYS THAT? A FAMILY MEMBER TO ANOTHER, LESS THEN THREE MONTHS AFTER A RAPE?

Most recently, I could not return to my apartment, I did not want to be in that small town or relive the crime. One day, I text family member number one if they would like to help me move the response was "No way drinkin." I was crushed. I had to go back to my apartment with The Rock and we did all the moving. It was extremely traumatizing to go back over and over.

Finally, all family member number 2 asked me when I call (they hardly call)is if I found a job yet. I JUST FREAKIN LOST MINE ON THE 9TH OF JULY, WHAT THE HELL.

As you have noticed I have not mentioned family member number 4, I believe number 4 is just emotionally retarded and can not handle this type of situation so chooses not do deal with it at all.

I have been asked less then a dozen times if I'm okay. It would be nice to hear my family say "Victoria how are you doing" or " I love you."

I do love my family, but roles reversed, and they have been in the past, I would be there for them in a heartbeat. In my mind, nothing is more important than the people you love.

I am crushed by their lack of support but there is nothing I can do. I cannot change them or make them care.

My magnificent three dropped to The Dynamic Duo, but that’s another story. I am so grateful to them and they deserve the world. The Rock has had to bear most of brunt and for that The Rock shall always be loved.

BOTTOM LINE ……Although you have enough stress, make sure to establish a support outside your counselors you will need them. Online I do recommend Pandora's Aquarium for starters. Email me with any other suggestions or questions about online support.


Victoria Placeo

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