Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Rape Incident ( Anniversary) Date, Month Three

Yesterday was the three month Anniversary of the Incident. I seem to be getting worse more then better.

My ups and downs are much more then usual and I am easiy fatigued. I am working on different skills to help, but there are some depths I cannot crawl out of.

For the first time in the past two, I have seriously considered suicide. The thought of suicide has occasionally passed through my mind, but it was fleeting and perhaps at times for attention.

This was very different. I actually felt numb yet hopeless, how you can feel the two at the same time is beyond me. I looked at everything from the rape to yesterday, and realized I really had nothing.

Although, my story is in the side bar, I will briefly review what I have lost. First, the rape itself being most prominent took away alot. I lost my self-esteem, trust, security, self-respect.
I've lost the town I just moved to in October 2007 to start fresh. The town is to small to stay in, to many faces everywhere.
I've lost my family.
I lost my job while on medical, so there is no financial security.
I lost my apartment, due to the fact that I could not live where the incident took place.

When I took a look at all of this I realized, I had nothing. Now logically speaking I know there is something to live for. But emotionally the pain and loss it to much and I did not want to feel it anymore.

I do feel better today, but it seems to go that way. One day good, one bad, one minute good, one bad. It is like an emotional tsunami.

I have listed some sites below and will list in sidebar for future reference, if worse comes to worse email me!

http://www.suicide.org/rape-and-suicide.html

http://www.rapehelp.com/rape-and-suicide.html

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/effects-of-sexual-assault/depression



Victoria Placeo

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