Sunday, September 21, 2008

Four Month Incident (anniversary) of Rape

I have not posted since the 17th, why, the 18th was the for month incident of the rape.

In the title of this post, I used the word incident instead of anniversary. As I have wrote in past posts, I think of the word anniversary, to be something good. The rape does not deserve the term anniversary and I do dislike how everyone uses it in regards to rape.

The anniversary dates are hard for me to explain. I don't look at the dates dreading when the 18th will roll around. It just happens, you see the date on news articles, online, in stores, everywhere, and you just remember.

I do my best not to focus on it and to keep busy, but part of the trauma with incident dates is highly unconscious I believe.

Without even visual memories or thinking about the assault, my emotions shift. I get depressed, irritated, and feel hopeless.

As of now, I really don't like people at all. Logically, I tell myself that it was not other people who did this, but it doesn't matter. On incidents dates, I become even more withdrawn and my disgust for humanity grows.

Remember I was in the helping people field. My job was to help those less fortunate and I loved it. Now the thought of people is just an annoyance, and it magnifies on incident dates.

While researching "rape anniversary dates" I found this article from The United States Department Of Veterans Affairs.

In the article it states:

"For example, a traumatic memory of a rape might contain the information that it’s important to (1) be afraid of strange men at night, (2) run away if approached, (3) feel frightened, and (4) think one is in danger and needs help. An anniversary reaction can occur because the date of the original trauma (or some other trigger) activates a traumatic memory that produces strong emotions as well as physiological reactions, negative thoughts about the world, and protective coping responses."

I am not afraid of men, however I do not like to be approached, I do have the emotions and physiological reactions and very strong negative thoughts abou the world.

The article also states:

"Perhaps the most common reaction on the anniversary of a trauma is a reactivation of the feelings, physiological responses, and thoughts that occurred at the time of the event. For example, on the anniversary of a rape, a woman might feel frightened, nervous, and unsafe."

No argument from me on that one!

Arousal and Avoidance are also mentioned and once again,that's me.

I hate fitting in to this symptoms. I think I should be stronger because, I have worked in mental health for years. The Rock has stated that it does not matter what my past employment was, I was still victimized.

My question is will the 18th of any given month every be forgotten. My belief is no every time that date roles around, I will remember. I have to be patient I guess because over time the trauma is "suppose to" diminish.



Victoria Placeo

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