Sunday, December 14, 2008

Input From Secondary Victim- The Rock

The Rock, the main secondary victim of my rape, emailed me this. I call him The Rock because he was and is my only main support after the rape.

The Rock and I attended his Christmas party together on Friday night. I had a flashback during the end of the night, while at the party. I don't recall much about the flashback except I kept seeing big hands and felt tremedous fear.

The Rock, also a member of RASA Survivors had this input about the night and what followed it:

We were at a party that my boss was giving for Christmas. I know that Victoria sometimes has a difficult time with crowds of people that she doesn’t know, but some of my friends from work that she knows were going to be there too, so we figured it would be ok to go.

Toward the end of the night she had a flash back. It didn’t last long, maybe a minute. She had a very terrified freaked out look that two of our friends noticed. They didn’t know what was going on with her, and since it was a party didn’t think that it was anything serious. She apologized for spacing out and they apologized for acting the way they did. Later that night she apologized to me for embarrassing me in front of my friends. I assured her that it was no embarrassment and wanted her to know that she and her well-being were the most important things to me.

Fast forward to today. My friend asked me what was wrong with Victoria last night. He knew of the rape, but not really about the aftermath. I explained to him about the violence, the bruising and the pain. I told him that the Organism was caught and convicted and is serving time. I told him about the night mares and flash backs that plague Victoria on a daily basis.

I asked him what Victoria has asked me… “What do you think that It (the organism) was thinking that night?” He didn’t know. He, much like most men and like me, find the act of rape the most reprehensible thing that one can perpetrate on another person and beyond their comprehension. “They should hang him by his b***s. That piece of sh** doesn’t deserve to be in public.” I couldn’t agree more.

We as men, real men, not like the organism, need to be more aware of rape. The response of “That’s too bad” when rape happens doesn’t cut it. These are real people that have everything sacred taken from them. Rebuilding feelings of safety and security once they are shattered are two of the toughest things anyone can do. And we as men need to educate ourselves on the after effects of rape, because it is not always some nameless, faceless person that we can respond “That’s too bad” When it’s our mother, sister, wife, girlfriend or other loved one. We need to be prepared.

-The Rock


I had no idea that The Rock felt this way about men being aware of rape. I couldn't agree with The Rock more.

Before the rape, I a female, thought it was an awful thing. I never however put my whole mind into what the rape victims may be experiencing or what they may endure afterwards.

Although it may seem "too bad" that it happens to many, The Rock is correct in saying that men and I will add women, need to think "what ifs".

What if the rape victim was your wife, girlfriend, sister, etc. Think about it, then you may have more compassion. Compassion not only for rape victims, but for any violent crime survivors.




Victoria Placeo

No comments:

Post a Comment