Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Email Restores Faith In Humanity

I received an email at the end of December 2008 from and individual who has been reading this blog. I read and cried. Never throughout this whole ordeal has anyone reached back out to me. Someone who actually to the effort to take time out of their life to write to me knowing I was suffering.

Here is that email entitled "a kind word":

Where should I begin? My name is ____ and by circumstance I came upon your blog yesterday through www.digg.com. I am not the type of person that replies to blogs or needs to make my opinion known. In general I would describe my browsing habits as that of a spectator, I read but never participate. I felt compelled to write you because I tossed and turned in bed last night thinking about your blog and what happened to you. I have known several woman that have been either raped or molested (my wife in fact was molested when she was younger) and I have witnessed how traumatizing it is even years later.

I find it difficult to find the words to express how much I admire the courage you show in light of all that happened. I feel the need to elaborate on that point because having grown up with severe depression I understand at least that part of what you are going through. You talk regularly about how lost, alone and helpless you feel, perhaps it may seem counter intuitive that I would then admire your courage, but as I see it exposing your pain and suffering in the hope that someone else in your situation may benefit is the greatest type of courage. I feel that many people mistake courage as the absence of fear, I don’t find that to be correct. I believe courage is showing strength in spite of fear.

When I was younger I often battled with thoughts of suicide, most days all I really wanted to do was roll up into a ball and become invisible as if somehow that would make things better. I think people have a hard time understanding depression. It is one thing to talk about it, but another to have to experience it. Pain is tangible (it hurts here, put a band aid on it and make it better) depression is more like a dull, unrelenting ache all over your body with no apparent source. You can’t go to a doctor and ask him to fix it, I’ve tried, from my experience all they can do is give you drugs and send you home. If those don’t work they give you different drugs and tell you to try again. Therein lies the desperation, you want more than anything to shake the feeling and just be normal but you haven’t the slightest idea how. The worst part is even though I fought it most of my childhood up until several years ago I can’t tell you anything that can make it go away. The answer is some unique combination of time, and the right mix of good things in your life to tip the scale back in your favor. The only thing I can offer that has even a small chance of making a difference is this, even though I am a stranger to you and you don’t know me from Adam, I care about what has happened to you.

I agree that it would seem that most of humanity has jumped off the deep end and lost any sense of compassion or common sense that, in fact the very things that separate us from the animals, but not all hope is gone. I’ve found, as it sounds you are finding, that most people are unreliable at best. On a good day they can’t be counted as much more than a buddy or acquaintance. Yeah they are there when you want to party or go see a movie but need help with something other than leisurely activities and they are a no show. That being said there are the rare individuals that have the ability to see beyond themselves and recognize that there are other people in the world and their actions can directly influence those people, and their well being. I think it is a monumental occasion when you actually find one. It sounds like you have been fortunate enough to find a couple during this hard time. I thought at the very least I could extend the offer of a willing ear in the chance that you should need someone to talk to in addition to those you already have.

In conclusion I’m hardly rich but maybe I could send you some gas money from time to time or help buy some groceries. I’m sure I’m not the person you wanted to say this but I would like to know how you are doing, and if there is anything I can do for you. In addition I saw your site for RASA survivors and I thought at the very least I could extend the offer if you ever want any help administering your site I am a security engineer (basically I keep the hackers out) and I work on Photoshop and web design projects on the side from time to time. It would be my pleasure to help you with anything you need in that regard. I wish there was more I could do but seriously if you ever just need someone to talk to I would be more than happy to listen.

Warm regards,
_______


I printed this letter and I read it when I am down. This may have seemed to this individual to be just a nice email. However, it was much more then that to me.

It made me feel like I was being listened to, that someone could relate, that someone regardless of whatever is going on in there life, cared enough for my situation.

I want to thank this writer from the bottom of my heart. The email serves as a reminder that even the smallest acts of kindness and care can mean the world of difference to someone in need.

I hope other readers remember this, so if they know someone in need, they can reach out, never knowing what good it could bring.


THANK YOU!!!!


Victoria Placeo




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