Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Insomnia after Rape

I am in real suffering here. I did not sleep well before the rape, but now it is nearly impossible.

Oddly enough it has gotten worse as time goes on, quite the opposite of what I thought. I thought as time goes on it would get better.

There are three aspects to my sleep problem.........

First, I don't get tired I lay down and cannot sleep.

Second, I fear sleep, I just have an uncertain fear about going to sleep. Now the obvious states that I would fear sleep because I was in bed when the organism kicked in the door.

However, it is just a generalized anxiety about the sleeping, I don't consciously think about the organism when it is bedtime, I do not think that if I fall asleep someone is going to get me.

With this aspect I believe that my unconscious mind is on overdrive or terrified. With current beliefs I hold on spirituality and and the mind, I have trouble with the fact that I can fix that.

Third, I dream of the organism, the town, the apartment, the old job and the employees. I don't want to dream. I feel like I just jumped out of a Nightmare on Elms Street movie, where they are all trying to stay away.

Most of these are dreams, conversing with people, while feeling uncomfortable. While others are nightmares of the rape and my ex-coworkers heckling me.

The organism dreams make sense, when I started to think about the co-worker dreams they make sense as well. I got fired on medical leave due to the rape. It is now in civil hands and I suppose I fear seeing them around, and some element of guilt, although I did nothing wrong.

Along with this something knew has started happening. I hear slams when I close my eyes, much like the sound of the organism kicking the door in. I also see its face when I close my eyes. I don't think I need to analyze that one.

To top this all off, I cannot take sleep aids. I have what called a Paradoxical reaction and have had it since I was young, you can read the definition here . So that puts a wrench in things.

I am exhausted, weak, and fatigued all day, and at this point I don't have a clue of what to do.

As I have stated in the past I am a hypnotist and can do self-hypnosis but I believe I am too close to the issue, I am trying to find one in the area to help.

I have looked briefly on issues regarding sleep problems after rape and have not found many sources, but I guess they would not have to document that to much because I assume it would be a given.

I did find this article entitled "ptsd and rape trauma sydrome" I will keep the lookout and if anyone has any suggestions feel free to email me.


Sleep well


Victoria Placeo


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