Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Insomnia After Rape and Secondary Victim

The Rock, my main secondary victim wrote and entry about sleep. My best guest is because since the rape my sleep has been horrible.

I go nights without sleeping, some when I am tired, some when I am wide awake. If I do fall asleep it is for a few hours.

I try not to nap during the day but sometimes I crash, but even then it is only for 2 to 4 hours.

The bad thing is I cannot take any type of sleeping aids because they do not work for me.

Here is what The Rock had to say:

Nightmares and the Secondary Survivor:

Sleep, most us take it for granted as either a recreational weekend afternoon nap or the well-deserved flop into bed at the end of a long day. As Victoria's Rock I can now add a third category. Something that can utterly terrify her, she has told me of the nightmares that she is experiencing. If you recall "A Nightmare on Elm Street" you'll remember the girl's father and mother telling her that all she needs is sleep and she'll feel better, but sleep is the thing she fears the most. I have found myself in a similar situation. I have and still do on occasion thought that if Victoria could get some sleep, she would feel better the next day. This leads me to wonder how I can watch a movie, think how stupid that character is for telling his daughter sleep then turn right around and think that sleep would be the best for Victoria. What I don't know and can't help her with are her dreams. She has even recently told me that she didn't want to sleep, but so ingrained are our thoughts that sleep can only be good, we fail to take into account that this is not always the case. We as secondary survivors can see only a little of what our loved one is going through. I can see it externally at times, but I don't know what is really going on in her dreams during the night. We need to keep the fact that we don't know these things in perspective. Probably the worst thing you can say is "I understand." We can't. It took me a long time to realize that I would never really understand what she is going through and the fear that she feels everyday.

-The Rock

I cried when I read this and I cry now. The Rock is correct, I am scared to sleep. I realized that in the beginning but now, I didn't really see it that way. I thought it was just an issue, but I was in bed when the door was kicked open, I was terrified to sleep after that, and now I can't sleep.

I love The Rock for his insight, and I love that he mentioned "Nightmare of Elm Street." I love those movies...............


Sleep well


Victoria Placeo

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