Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Anxiety And General Fear After Rape

I have always had a little anxiety with people, but mostly in my teens and early 20's. Since then I have had bouts here and there, but nothing horrendous.

As far as people went, I did not have much fear of them either. Occasionally, I would get a bit of anxiety before meeting new people, but it depended on the situation.

Now, I have a great fear of people, a silly fear I would call it. I cannot look people in the eyes like I used to. I have anxiety about the funniest ( not funny at the time) things like people sending me and email that may have a bad comment, or people not liking me.

To be perfectly honest, prior to the rape, if someone did not like me that was their deal not mine. Not anymore, I fear people. I don't fear that they will hurt me, it is more my feelings, or that they will get angry. If they do , then I automatically go into fix it , make it better mode.

I panic, I need to fix issues now, I obsess over them, in my mind everything will be okay if I fix everything.

In reality, I know that I cannot fix what others think or feel but now I am overly sensitive to it all.

I try to reframe and say it is there issue, but it doesn't work, not yet anyway. I write about this now because I am feeling a great fear and anxiety.

I believe the only way I can fix it, is if I close the gap so to speak, get my mind off it. I am unfocused and stressed and there is really no reason, I can see for it.

I don't think I am making any sense...........so I am going to stop.


Victoria Placeo

No comments:

Post a Comment