Friday, March 27, 2009

Comments on " Love Is: Starring In Your Own Movie"

From my last post on “Love Is: Starring In Your Own Movie” By Nick Ralls, I have pinpointed the parts that hit me the most and why:



“DO you want to be the star of your own movie?
Or do you want a part in someone else's.
This is the burning question of our lives.... are we writing our own script...are we determining our own locations... are we writing in our fellow actors..
Or.... are we being dragged into the dramas of others...being swept away on the paths of others, never to feel we are fulfilling our destiny?”


My fear is that I may have written the script to my rape. Not directly, thinking I want to be raped at this place and this time. I would never want a thing like that. However, I did want to be paid attention too by a man, be the number one thing in that mans life, etc. Perhaps those thoughts invited that man but an unwell one?


“First of all, we are the director and actor of our own life story.. there can be no other way to live a life that works.”


This confirms in my mind that I did write that part of my life. I don’t believe I wanted a violent act to occur, but perhaps my thoughts of an attentive person, and my not so healthy self at the time did bring the organism in?


“And what sort of character do you want to play? Do you want to play the role of victim?”


I want to play the survivor, at times I just feel so weak, lost, and alone. I try to refocus so I can be that survivor but it is easier said then done.


“Or rather would you prefer to be the star... the hero or heroine... the person with love in their heart who makes a difference to their fellow man?"


I feel I am a person with love in their heart, despite what has happened and I want to help others in similar situations in the future.


“The physical pain we can undergo is not nearly so devastating as the emotional pain we endure when we feel apart... feel disconnected... feel unable to communicate through fear.”


This is so very true. The physical pain of the rape is forgettable. The emotional pain of the occurrence, the distance from people and them not being able to relate to me are much worse. The feeling of being unable to communicate through fear is immense especially when telling others what happened and relating to my family.


Victoria Placeo

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