Saturday, March 14, 2009

Family Interactions After Rape

I am going to see my family members later today. I had to debate on saying yes or no to their invite earlier and I obviously said yes.

The whole decision was a stressful on me and now that I have made the decision, I feel much anxiety. How could that be they are my family?

I love my family, they are great people, I know that. We have always had an okay relationship and I know that my parents did the very best they could raising us.

However, after the rape, I needed them. I think they tried in some way to be there, but (and this is my guess) because I ran to The Rock, someone I trusted, instead of them, it may have hurt them or gave them an easy way out no to be involved.

I already felt abandoned by some friends, the community, etc. I had already lost trust and safety due to the rape and the reality is I did not have it in me to go to them and say "Will you help me" , "Can you do the initiating" , " Will you love me." I needed my family and others to take on the caring aspect and could not keep reaching for it.

Now that being said back to the meeting tonight. I have been advised by some friends, therapists, and doctors to try and stay away from my family until I feel strong enough. However, I think life is precious and could be short, I feel this more especially after the rape. So I feel the need to see them, one never knows when the last time may be.

So I go tonight filled with anxiety, to see them. I hope they ask how I am, I hope they talk with me, I hope I feel loved.

I know we have to love ourselves and that it will attract love into our lives, but family is family and they are in my life. I love them and I hope tonight goes okay.

You know I will keep you posted........................



Victoria Placeo

No comments:

Post a Comment