Monday, March 2, 2009

I Feel Like Such A Burden

Throughout all of this I try to look at the bright side of things, and I know, out of all the bad, there is good.

However, I have never felt like such a burden, so unwanted, a pain to those I cross paths with.

The Rock, is helping me without complaint, and no words could ever describe how grateful I am and how much I love him. With that being said I feel like a complete burden on him, and I know to some extent I am.

My family used to call more, I don't call much but more then them. I feel very unwanted, a great pain to them. Since the rape things have been very different with my family. My sister used to call weekly just to talk, now rarely.

When I come back to my hometown I have to places to stay that are not family. One that I have been staying at, I can tell I am a burden. Not because of the rape, but my friend has her own family and things to tend to and I believe I am in the way.

Most of my friends have disappeared since the rape and I feel that the ones I have left. I am a burden to.

I don't talk about the rape or how I feel with my friends I have left, but they have there own lives so when I stay at there homes, I feel I am getting in the way.

I feel very alone. Where I live now I don't really fit in, nor do I try to very hard. I just don't seem to fit in.

Bottom line is that I have never in my 31 years felt so lonely, unwanted, not deserving of help, or just not life worthy to anyone. It seems I am dead to many. I feel so much pain.

Somewhere there is a reason I lived and if I look for it and ask for it, I know it will come. I am positive a majority of the time, but I break and the emotions flow.

All I really want is someone to say Victoria, I care about you, I want to help you, I am here.


Victoria Placeo

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