Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Letting Go After Rape

Another Piece by Nick Ralls entitled " Letting People Go." As the whole piece is wonderful I have bolded what as touched me the most, my comments are at the bottom.


Letting People Go
By
Nick Ralls

I will not hang onto people who will treat me badly.. I will release them with love and kindness without wanting to change them and manipulate them to behave in the way I want them to.

THERE are some people who will treat us badly.
Understanding why these people behave the way they do is the first step to letting go of the hurt we feel when we are not respected.
When we are able to look upon these people in our lives the way God would look upon them or the way their parents would look upon them, we can rid ourselves of the feeling that we are powerless in the situation.
In fact, we have immense power when we realise just how loving we have been even if that person or those people treat us shabbily.
Our frustration comes when we try to change people.
Our hurt comes when we expect too much from people.
Our powerless comes when we feel we cannot control that person.
But the truth is that this person is who they are!
We can influence them with our kindness
We can influence them with our love
However, at the end of the day that soul is choosing its own path of learning and if that path is going to be a weary one, it makes little sense joining them. Just doesn't.
Too many of us spend too much time being addicted to people who will treat us badly... this is our addiction!
Why do we choose to be addicted to those who behave badly, do not respect us, tell us lies, cheat us and even abuse us?
We have to learn that when we truly love ourselves we will let these people go.
With love, of course.
But we won't hang onto the need to try to change these people... manipulate them or plead with them to remain in our space.
Better that we find ourselves a more loving space.
Addicts are those who do not feel they are good enough and the addicts who behave the most badly are those who have a deep sense of self loathing. It is unlikely they know how to treat other people well.
But we can still separate their addictive and manipulative behaviour from the person they are and the potential they can be.
That's why when we love them the way God would love them or their parents would love them we are able to define them who they really are and not judge them by their misguided behaviour.
It is sometimes so easy to love nice and lovely people who treat us with love and respect.
It is harder to love those who are angry and fearful...but these are often the people who need the love although I never advocate staying in a relationship or in the space of someone who will negatively impact on our lives.
The people we hang on to are often those who will bring us down, lower our energy, increase our sense of disillusionment. Just release them and stop thinking about them so much...
Instead, concentrate on those in your life who are going to uplift you, make you feel good and respect you for the person you are.
Try not to hang on to people and situations that do not make you happy... cause you worry or problems... because you deserve better.
It does not mean you cannot be compassionate, helpful or considerate.. but never let people bring you down to their level.
Stay energetic and in love.
Accept people for who they are. Do not put them on a pedestal from which they will surely fall down. And don't stay around for them to treat you badly. This does not serve you or the world.

So dear and special friend...Decide how you want to be treated and treat others as you yourself would wish to be treated... don't hang around those who will disrespect you.



My Responses:

When we are able to look upon these people in our lives the way God would look upon them or the way their parents would look upon them, we can rid ourselves of the feeling that we are powerless in the situation.

The one thing that I can say I am proud of is that I have never hated the organism, of course I disliked what it has done, but not it itself.......Why........because I look at the organism as a sick person, someone who is not or was not thinking correctly, someone who is sick.

To be quite honest, although my flashbacks, dreams, PTSD symptoms are caused by the violent rape, I have a harder time letting go of the State that pressed charges and then left me, my job and coworkers, whom I trusted, that fired me on medical leave, my family and friends, for not being more emotionally supportive, and others.

It is harder to love those who are angry and fearful...but these are often the people who need the love although I never advocate staying in a relationship or in the space of someone who will negatively impact on our lives.

This is kind of a given, it just is not healthy. However, what is ironic is that I get upset that certain people are not in my life anymore, but they are the negative ones mostly........huh something to think about.

Try not to hang on to people and situations that do not make you happy... cause you worry or problems... because you deserve better.

This one is big, I know I would feel better if I let go of fighting for my civil rights with the work issue, if I would just let my family issue go and realize they are who they are, and let the fact go that no one, except a few has helped me or donated. People just don't care sometimes and that is just them.

So dear and special friend...Decide how you want to be treated and treat others as you yourself would wish to be treated... don't hang around those who will disrespect you.

I agree completely, however this would mean not hanging around some of my family members, and that saddens me. This also means hanging around some of the people I have met in this new community, and considering I don't know many, that is an issue. The latter is more easily resolved then the family.

There is much more to this entire piece for me and I suspect for many others. It has helped me and I will reflect on it. I hope it helps someone else out there.


Victoria Placeo


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