Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Dreams and Nightmares After Rape

Although my main dreams occurring immediately after the rape were nightmares about the rape, they have changed drastically.

I have basically narrowed down my dreams and nightmares into 4 categories of recurrence.

The first category is of course nightmares of reliving the rape:

These nightmares consisted of the rape itself, the following EMT's and emergency room. I would put them in the category of complete terror.

I would also say that prior to the rape these dreams to me would be the imaginary nightmares that many have.

I do not care to give an example in this category.

The second category is discussions with the organism:

In these dreams I am sitting with the organism and having a calm discussion. I am explaining why I believe it raped me and it is explaining why it did not.

The last dream I recall in this category, the organism and I are sitting on a couch and it is pointing out all the reasons it was not rape. When I brought up the bites and bloodiness, the organism calmly agreed that perhaps that was a bit far.

The third category is the organism watching me or not wanting to leave my side:

As I have stated I knew the organism prior to the rape. As I look back at our relationship, the organism did watch me and would not leave me out of its site. I did not see it then but I see it now.

Why I dream about that is beyond me, perhaps it is a self-blame that I should have recognized it.

The fourth category is the most frequent now, and honestly one of the most painful. They are dreams of abandonment. Most of them contain my family.

In the most recent of these dreams I was being loud and trying to get attention from my entire family, immediate and extended. No one was paying attention, and if they did notice me I was blown off. In this latest dream at the end, a family member did notice an injury I had and started talking about it. That part was brief and taken away by anothers birthday.

It is not hard to understand why I have these types of dreams. My extended family does not know and my immediate family either had a rough time dealing with it or just wanted to pretend it did not happen.

These dreams hurt immensely.

That is a brief ( tried to be:) of the dreams/nightmares I am having since the rape last spring. I hope this may help someone.



Victoria Placeo

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