Saturday, April 11, 2009

Finding Security After Rape

I am in my hometown today (not where the rape occurred)for an Easter visit. I have been here since last night.

I don't feel okay, I feel sad, depressed, hopeless, I feel the need to escape. I want to go back to where I am living.

This was not the norm for me. I used to love to travel and get out of town. Now all I want is to be back to what is now my home.

All I can see out of this is that I derive great comfort out of being around what I know.

I had two main things after the rape, The Rock, and the place I was living. They were the two things I found comfort and safety.

Although, I grew up in this town I do not find safety and security. My family is here but they don't understand and there is no security there for me.

I believe that what you know right after a rape or violent crime that brings you comfort sticks. Now that I am away from my comfort, I feel anxiety, depression, and the need to run back to what is now my home.

I know that being here is good for me. That getting back out and braving the world is good. Being around people and places that were not your comfort is important.

Although I know these things I still want to run back to my safety.........I will have to brave this and not run, try to look at the positive, but I feel so depressed that it is difficult.

I want to drive back home and sleep it off.


Victoria Placeo


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