Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Insecurities After Rape

I try to reframe my thoughts when I begin to distrust people. I notice logically that they have done nothing to make me distrust them.

My insecurities overwhelm me, I cannot seem to think myself positively out of them. I want to trust and believe I do mostly, but there is a heaviness in my heart.

I try to think about other things, to look at the person I do not trust and rationalize it, the funny thing is sometimes I barely know the people and sometimes I know them well. There is no rhyme or reason.

The feeling hurts so bad. I know that the fear of abandonment, rejection is high.

What is odd, is that prior to the rape I had a bit of these feelings, but not many. I had the attitude of you don't like me don't talk to me. Now it matters, I don't know why.

I know the best thing for me is to focus on positive aspects, but all I know is that I want to feel secure. I can't identify the problem.


Victoria Placeo

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