Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Targeting Insecurity With EMDR

I have been writing about the unknown insecurity I have been having. Writing about the struggles that I have had with fear of abandonment, and with people in general.

Today, I discussed with my therapist my struggles, I suggested that perhaps I could find a traumatic memory that was geared towards insecurity. She agreed, so I picked one that had to do with a man of my past.

The memory was one of heartache, of being jilted. She asked me to picture that scene in my mind and asked me what I felt and to pick a negative statement that related to that event. I explained my feelings of pain and picked the negative statement that "I am not good enough." I then rated it on a scale of how bothersome the event was and it was quite high.

We began the session and the train of thoughts began. Throughout that session, my mind went from the incident, to my father, to other boyfriends, to the rape. It all went so quickly.

Then it went onto other people and events. The feelings turned to anger. I was mad at my employer for firing me, the lawyers who wanted to make every event about themselves.

I really had no idea how much could be attached to one feeling and memory. One feeling of insecurity and out came a plethora of events, thoughts and feelings.

After this session, I did not feel exhausted like the last. I felt calm, relieved, as if I had just vented for an hour. I remembered the initial incident with humor verses pain. I loved the feeling of relief, it is something that I had not experienced in a long time.

Since the rape kept creeping in my therapist recommended for next time that I find a traumatic memory about the organism or the assault. I don't know if I am looking forward to that session.

I will keep you posted........


Victoria Placeo

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