Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Rape Anniversary Date - The Days Before

I was without a computer the days before the year anniversary of the rape. Those days seemed much more difficult then the actually anniversary. I made note of my feelings on paper and transcribed, so here they are.......


May 15, 2009


It is three days before the rape occurred last year. I am without a computer so I am writing this journal style.

Everyday that has gone by in the past week I have thought “What was I doing last year at this time?” Last year at this time I would never have guessed what lied ahead.

I am in pain from memories of my life before the rape. I am in awe that last year at this time I had so many things I took for granted. Last year, I felt safe, had a positive outlook on life, and faith in people.

As I try to pinpoint what I was doing at this time last year, I have vague memories. I remember I was friends with the organism. I remember I still had a job I enjoyed and could have been working right now.

I really don’t know why I bother to remember such things. They seem to be automatic thoughts they just pop right into my mind.

I could have never believed on this day a year ago, that three days from now everything I had and knew to be true would be gone.

May 16, 2009

It is weird how I wake up and realize what the date is, I don’t consciously do it. For example, today I woke up realized it was the 16th and the first thought I had was that it was 2 days before the rape a year ago.

It is like a child waking up and doing a countdown before Christmas or their birthday. The difference of course is obvious; they are looking forward to those days and are conscious of counting down. I do not purposefully awake with the thought that is two days before the rape.

I am out of town at this time, an event that just by coincidence collided with the rape anniversary. I was not going to go due to the fact that I do not know these people well. My therapist recommended that I go to get me out of the environment that was so near the rape.

So I am here and have been here since the 14th, I must say it was a good idea. Although I am plagued all day with memories, having distractions is very beneficial. Also, being away from the town that I ran to safety for is good as well.

As much as I appreciate the town I ran to safety for and all that they have done for me, it is to close to the rape area and I do not want to be there. That is off the subject and another issue in itself.

I don’t know why my brain is automatically remembering the dates. I usually can barely remember which day it is.



Those were my days before the rape anniversary..........


Victoria Placeo


No comments:

Post a Comment