Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Immediate Reactions After Rape

An issue I did not ever touch on were my immediate reactions and behaviors following the rape.

The days proceeding the rape I was very anxious and erratic. This continued for about two months.

Instantly I wanted to change my hair color, get a new car, cut off my long finger nails, and change my last name. I did not want anyone to recognize me.

I was very serious about those things and am still considering changing my last name. Many people may say that is ridiculous, and in some cases, as I look back, it was. However at the time it was very real and I was very serious about the changes.

When searching for answers recently about my immediate reactions after the rape, I found some information on Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS). While reading through the symptoms I found this:

"persistent symptoms of increased arousal, which involve irritability and outburst of anger, troubled concentrating, hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response"

I also found information regarding quick decision making. With both of these I guess it shows that I was experiencing (or still am) RTS and PTSD.

I am one of those people that hate to admit that something affected me like this. However, I cannot remain in denial about all the reactions I had after the rape.

For others (so you don't feel so alone) below are thoughts and actions I did for a few months after the rape:

I did dye my hair
I did cut off my finger nails
I did look for a new car
I did apply for jobs everywhere
I did think that I was in danger and had to hideout
I did think my family was in danger
I did cut off friends
I was rude to people who got in my way
I was confused
I was scared
I did do my makeup differently


I am sure there are more and if I think of them I will let you know.


Victoria Placeo



1 comment:

  1. Hi,
    I actually am not a victim of rape but i am a secondary victim... I was in love with a girl who was raped by her near relative three months ago...

    The day when i heard this, i was shocked and of course confused of what her reaction would be after this... I was in such a depression that i am still not able to recover from it... The thing is that she stopped talking to me ever since this happened and i am very much in love with her even still...

    The main reasons for her not speaking to me was guilt, shame and powerlessness.... She was so angry when i talked to her after this happened... i tried to console her support her but she was not ready to accept anything from me... I know that she is really hurt deeply and the reason for her anger towards me was to push me away from her agony... she dint want me to bear the pain which she has...


    She has cancelled her phone connection, m not able to contact her and she is doing everything which she could to keep her away from me and from everybody... I am actually in the UK and she is in india.... The reason for me being here was to study here... i went there and saw her once.. she was so depressed and was not even able to face me....


    I am in no mood to leave her alone after this..... the reason being that she is my everything.... she is my heart and soul.. i am living for her and will continue to do that no matter the situation... I jus wanted to leave her alone for a while so that she can vent... actually she needs to run the show now instead of somebody controlling her...


    I send mails often even though she is not replyin back.... I just want to hold her with both my hands right now and i wish that will happen soon.... I hope she heals soon..


    Murali

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