Thursday, June 4, 2009

Rape and Depression

I have been extremely depressed lately. I don't know if it is because of the rape, but I really don't think so.

Memories have been coming back, nightmares and dreams of the rape, and life proceeding it have begun again, and I am just so sad.

I know that I stated that I don't believe that my depression is because of the rape, it could be. What I do think is causing the recurrence and memories is my unhappiness now.

I am not thrilled to live where I live. I do not have enough money to move yet. I have no friends here, my family hardly calls, and my car just blew up. Put all of that together and that leaves one sad, lonely, isolated girl.

It would be nice to blame all of this on the organism. Unfortunately, it only played one part in my sadness. Other individuals, situations, and circumstances have added to this sense of purposelessness ( is that a word?).

I have done no real research on if external stressors can lead to recurrence of memories etc. I try no to do research to often, I don't want to put things into my head. However, I am sure that it may play a part. I would really like to know the answer to that, I have thought about researching it, just have not had the energy.

Perhaps I will ask my counselor on Monday, if I can borrow a car to get there:(

YES I AM FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF!


Victoria Placeo

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