Saturday, September 26, 2009

Rape and Post Traumatic Stress

Well it finally happened yesterday. While I was working someone opened the door behind me I turned to look to see who it was. When I turned back there they were. Apparently, I looked one way and they walked around the other.

I turned back and scream "Oh my God" and to make it worse it was my boss. I froze, I quickly recovered but thoughts were still streaming through my head. To make it even more unbearable my boss thought it was funny (she doesn't know) and was laughing and said "BOO." I was pretty disappointed in myself.

That was just the most recent example of a PTSD symptom that occurred but other things have been happening that I have not mentioned. Since the rape I have been seeing things. Not delusions, more like things out of the corner of my eyes. I look and there is nothing there.

I am not quite sure if this is a PTSD symptom but believe it is. The reason I mention it is that it has gotten worse. For example, last Thursday, I was walking up the stairs to the apartment and when I got to the top out of the corner of my eye it looked as if the door was open, I looked up in worry and it was shut. I can't say I was afraid ( I don't experience to much fear anymore) I would say more shocked. I will research this issue to see if it is a symptom of PTSD but if it does have to do with the rape it is happening more often now then a year ago.

The only thing that has changed is that I started a new job. I certainly hope the stress of the job is not causing these things to get worse.

The one positive thing is that my fear of the rape and rapist is gone thanks to some great self-help tips I have been using. In regards, to what is happening now, I don't have a clue. I am thinking maybe I should get back to counseling but I believe they will say it is normal and I just have to wait it out.


Victoria Placeo

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