Monday, October 26, 2009

Anti- Social Since The Rape

I really don't know if anti-social is the right word for what I am going through but I think people get the picture.

Ever since the rape and the events that followed it, I really have no desire to talk to anyone. Of course, I do, but I go to lengths to avoid having to. I simply have nothing to say.

I was never much of a social butterfly anyway but I did go out with more people and strike up more conversations. I guess words are just not that important anymore, things said can be changed in a second.

Also, I believe a trust issue may be the culprit behind why I don't want to speak to anyone. The rape in itself is a trust breaker, but the people that I thought would be there as a strong support simply were not.

It doesn't matter to me whether they knew how to deal with it. There are many things I can't deal with but do anyway. You figure out how to deal with things, whether you like it or not. I don't think anyone has any excuse for not being there.

I know this is a pretty pessimistic post but I really feel this way ( at least I do now).

I have been referring to myself as the "old" me and I know that is damaging. However, that is how I see it much of the time, the old me was more outgoing, put together, and more conversational.

I know the right thing to do is forget about the old me and focus on now and the present, but it creeps up on me when I least expect it.



Victoria Placeo



1 comment:

  1. I recognize every sentiment you’ve described. I talked about the “old me” for years. I still do. When I start feeling like I died during one of those nights Andy was raping me, it’s like everything that’s happened since I finally got away from him has been a half life. I feel choked by the desires and self-motivation of a dead woman.

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