Thursday, October 15, 2009

Forgiveness After Rape

I know that I have written in the past about forgiveness after rape. I wrote mostly regarding forgiving the rapist. I know that many people were shocked when I said I forgave the rapist. What I meant was I forgave the rapist and not the action he did. There is a very big difference.

By holding on to hate, I was not hurting the rapist at all, just myself. Hate makes you sick, it keeps memories alive. For me forgiving the rapist was a way of saying " ok there is this very sick and twisted individual who committed a horrendous act, and act that I can do nothing about anymore, I did my best."

I look at the rapist in two conflicting ways, a less than human way and and humane way. The less than human way allows me to view the rapist as being sick and not mentally right in a horrible way. The humane way is sick people make mistakes and "let he who has no sin cast the first stone." Depending on the days I was having I would look at the rapist in one of these ways.

This post was not intended to rehash any previous posts about forgiving the rapist. However, since so many struggle with it, I thought it needed to be said. The purpose of this post was to forgive others that were in some way associated with the rape.

I am speaking of family, friends, officials involved etc. The fact that I looked at the rapist as a sick person made it more difficult for me to accept those whom I did not consider sick who were not the best support.

I have written hateful words about my family especially. It is true all that I wrote and it is true that they were not the best support. However, I would like to address how I feel about their actions now, outside the whirling mix of emotions.

Some of their actions downright shocked me yet others I can understand now. After the rape, I felt I would get more support from The Rock then from my family. Throughout tough times with my family that was a logical and correct choice and I do not regret it.

However, at the times I wrote the posts about the pain my family caused me, I was also in a great state of mixed emotions. I can only speculate on why my family acted like they did and they did and my speculations are these:

They did not know how to handle the rape. Me going to The Rock vs. them may have caused them pain. Perhaps they were hurting and just didn't know how to express it. We have all been there in a situation where we did not know what to say or do and perhaps that was where they were at.

So I would like to publicly apologize for my words in past posts and say to my family that I forgive you and love you regardless of what happened.


Victoria Placeo

2 comments:

  1. I think you're right. A lot of people miss that the thing about forgiveness, it's not about the person who is being forgiven. Forgiveness is about the forgiver.

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  2. Thanks for your comment, I agree completely!

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