Sunday, October 18, 2009

Need For Structure After Rape

I have found since the rape, that I need to know what is going on at all times. I become extremely uncomfortable if my imagined schedule changes.

For example, if I am planning to do some things after work, I become very agitated and demanding if a change occurs. If The Rock informs me that something is going on and I did not plan on it, it throws into a whirlwind. I have to know what time, where, and who is going to be there. I need to know these things immediately, and don't do well with vague answers.

Before the rape, I was pretty easy going about where I was going to be and if it changed it changed, no big deal.

I have been trying to figure out why I need to know the specifics so frantically. Why was I so easy going before and now I need to know exact details.

Before I go into the answers I found I want to elaborate on trying to figure things out. It is my belief that there is no real reason to try and figure things out. It does you know good I believe to find the cause, because the only thing you can change is the present and the future. I am not saying that finding the cause may not be beneficial to other people, I just don't think it is good for me.

You know what..........I do it anyway..........a habit I am trying to work on. Trying to focus on the present and future not the past.

Now onto what I discovered while wondering why I need so much structure. I came to the conclusion that not only the rape but everything preceding it was unexpected.

I of course was not expecting someone to break down my door or rape me. Also, I did not know what to expect during the entire legal proceedings, the job loss, who would help me etc.

I had not constants, nothing real reliable to count on, except The Rock. I am not trying to diminish The Rocks support, but that support is all I knew. I did not know where I would be from day to day.

That is my little take on why I need structure. I firmly believe that after a rape or any type of violent crime, a victim must have some daily structure. Unfortunately, for some it is not that easy.


Victoria Placeo

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