Sunday, October 25, 2009

Seasonal Changes After Rape

I have read and many people have said to me that the rape anniversary date is the hardest for many people.

I personally have found that the season changes affect me more then the actual rape date. It seems that when a new season comes around that a plethora of memories come rushing back to me and they are hard to get rid of.

This fall is extremely difficult for me. It seems that things are getting worse then better. I am constantly thinking of the rapist, but the sad thing is it is not so much in a negative way. Don't get me wrong it is not in a positive way either.

Many already know that I new the rapist before the rape. I met him in the fall of 2007. We had good times together. However as things progressed I noticed behaviors that were unhealthy and at times scary so I ended our relationship.

During this fall I am constantly reminded of the rapist and the good times. When I bear down and think about him I then remember the unhealthy times and the rape. But prior to remembering the negative, I remember the good times.

The good times are not necessarily just about the rapist, however he was a part of my life at that time. I think I remember the good times during this season because I was where I wanted to be in life and now I am not.

Due to this season changes and memories I am bogged downed with depression. I am learning new skills to deal with the depression, but the pain is unbearable. It seems that as soon as I get used to memories of a new season, then a new season rolls around.

The feel in the air, the weather, the sites associated with the seasons all affect me.

Winter is coming and I hope and will try to cope with the new season the best I can. The good news is that fall is the hardest for me because it was when I was the happiest prior to the rape.


Victoria Placeo

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