Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A Rant And Job Problems Since The Rape

I have mentioned before that I have now gotten back in the workforce since the rape and that it has been difficult for me. The difficulties have ranged from reactions to the loud, unexpected noises to difficulty relating to co-workers. However, what I have not mentioned is that I am employed at a daycare.

At first it was quite a hard ego trip to get over going from what my degree was in to daycare. Not that there is really anything wrong with daycare, it was just not what I went to school for. Finally, I realized that I need a job like the daycare to ease myself back into the work environment.
So I am moving right along with my work difficulties and keep on moving through every unexpected noise and flashing memory and doing quite well. Have not had to leave due to any reasons related to the rape, so I was surviving and working again which I was proud of.

And theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnn....................

BAM things get rustled up and I cannot believe the reason why...........

On Friday of last week, I noticed my co-worker looking a bit stressed and asked if there was anything I could do. She said "no, just a stressful week." I knew in my heart that that was not the reason and I could not help but think it was me.

Over the weekend I began to tell myself that I was being over sensitive, at times thinking that I was more sensitive to pleasing people because of the rape and then..................

Monday hit

I got called into the office by my director and we had discussion about how I may not be a good match for the room I was in. My co-worker was mentioned and I expressed my feelings about how I felt her stress was due to me. Some other civil discussion took place and my boss agreed that perhaps I and my co-worker were not a good match.

But get this.................

My director said that one of the reasons my co-worker may not be feeling like we are a good match and why she is so stressed out is because she may have emotional problems, such as SAD!!!

Now I understand that I experience that myself and have for years.................. BUT BOY AM I PEEVED.......... I wanted to say.....................

AWWW SO HERE I STRUGGLED WITH FLASHBACKS, DEPRESSION, ETC. AND NOT BLAME ANYONE HERE FOR IT AND YOUR GOING TO SWITCH ME TO A DIFFERENT MOOD BECAUSE "SHE" CAN'T CONTROL HERE SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HECK!!! ( I am trying to use nicer words here then I have in the past, can you tell).

Anyway, that is the way I felt. I finally resolved in my mind that the room switch would be good for me and that from what I have observed so far, the workers in those rooms seem much more friendly. But................

Another Bombshell..............

Later that day I found out that the knew room will not have enough children in it until sometime in January or February so what did my director do......................SHE CUT MY HOURS BY 50 PERCENT!!!!!

ALL BECAUSE SOME CHIC CANNOT GET HERSELF ON SOME ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND TO ASSIST HER WITH HER SAD!!!

I DON'T ALWAYS FEEL HAPPY, I HAVE MINI-FLASHBACKS AT WORK, I GET STRESSED, BUT IT IS NOT MY CO-WORKER'S FAULT..........I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT..........AND IT IS NOT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!

There I am done I just could not believe after how hard I have been trying to cope in the workforce that I would be cut hours because someone else could not.


Victoria Placeo

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