Friday, January 1, 2010

2010 I Begin Again - A Year Of Hope

I must admit I have had things to say since my last post, but I have been going through a depression I believe. I had lost enjoyment in things and had a general feeling of numbness, and hopelessness. However, I have decided to look at this New Year as a new beginning.

I have looked through past posts and realized how down I have been, and patterns that I have repeated over and over. Patterns such as drinking alcohol, which just leads me to bad dreams, and flashbacks. Although, I have been healing this entire time, I believe it is time for me to take a firmer grasp on the healing process.

That is not to say that I will not express pain or any other negative event on this blog. The entire intention of this blog is to share with others pain, healing, hope, etc. that occur after a rape or sexual assault.

It would be false not to share the bad times as well as the good. I have noticed however, that I mention the bad times more then the good. This may be part of my problem, focusing more on the bad then on the good.

For this New Year
I intend put into practice what I have learned in counseling and from books much more forcefully then I have in the past.

I intend to seek counseling again not only for the rape but for the depression I have had.

I plan on focusing more on what I have then what I do not

I intend to focus on the present and not worry about the future ( such as the rapist's release)

Finally, and I believe most importantly, I am going to give thanks each day that I am alive, because in reality he could have killed me. It is very interesting how I could live through something so violent and forget to be grateful that I am alive.

These are my intentions for 2010 and beyond. There may be bumps in the road that I will express but there are also joys that I have had that I have not expressed in the past.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes to remember in this New Year:

"it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." Abraham Lincoln


Happy New Year


Victoria Placeo

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