Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Secondary Survivors Not Understanding Rape – Part 1


After all these years I have come to a full understanding that secondary survivors have a hard time understanding the Rape.  Secondary survivors by definition (I think, I am not a huge researcher)  include family, friends, etc.  Just in the last three months I have four incidents that show that they do not understand.  

Now I realize that is a broad statement and I by no means mean to speak about all secondary survivors of rape, just my own.  However, I find it hard to believe any could understand someone’s rape or other violent crime fully, if they had not experienced it themselves.  For example, I would never be able to understand being held hostage for days or years.  Just like every rape and violent act against anyone, while there are many similarities everyone has a different set of circumstances.

Off on a rant I went, now onto the point.  As I mentioned I have had four incidences in the past three months with family that shows that my rape may not be that important to them or then just do not give a crap, at least that is how I feel.  Now I will describe one incident here and then do the rest of the incidents in other parts.  You can tell me if I am being too sensitive.

As many know and most do not I do not live in the town that the rape occurred anymore.  However, one of my family members has many friends there and does visit there often which is fine.  About two months ago I was chatting with that family member and she said she was going to go boating with one of her friends friends there in that town.

She told me the name of that friend’s friend because he had the last name of the man that raped me.  It turns out it is the brother of the man that raped me.  I was immediately affected by this and did not want my family member (this is my immediate family) hanging out with him.

I asked her if now that she knew it was my rapist’s brother if she would still hang out with him and she said yes.  I WAS CRUSHED! 

I felt hurt, betrayed, disrespected, unimportant, etc.  I really could not believe it.  I was also a bit worried about her hanging out with him due to the fact that she may eventually start to hang out with my rapist when he gets released.  I mean that is not too farfetched I think, if she does not care to hang out with a family member of his then why not him? 

Then I began to think maybe I was out of line feeling that way…..

While it is true that just because the man she is going to hang out with is my rapist brother does not make him a bad person.  I know that the brother had nothing to do with it, but it still cuts like a knife.

I thought my own family members would at least have enough respect to not be involved with my rapist’s family. 

I WANT TO KNOW AM I OUT OF LINE FEELING THIS WAY?

Victoria Placeo

2 comments:

  1. Good to see your comments section back. :) I am new to your blog. Idk how I would feel. All I know is that an old high school friend of mine is friends with my rapist/exboyfriend and it gets to me every time I see her profile now. She doesnt know... most people didn't know he raped me. So idk how I would feel in your position. I know that I would be sensitive over the subject too. I would be worried about that persons safety too.

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  2. No it is not wrong for you to feel this way! I have felt this way before too and I felt like they were leaving me for them. It's hard but we are the best at enduring pain so we sometimes have to swallow their ignorance.

    Julia
    Sexually assaulted from age 14 to 16

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