Monday, September 29, 2008

Rape and the 2008 Election

In past posts, I have commented on the political rape news. The two main posts were targeted at McCain and Palin. McCain with his Raped Ape Joke and Palin with her rape kits.

I addressed this because of there subject matter relating to me being raped. As I have stated in those posts, it was not necessarily about whom I favored for the 2008 election more about the news and how I felt about the issue.

I will not divulge if I am a right winger but so far from my posts I sound like a Pinko Commie Lib. So I had to even out the score.

There has not been alot of popular headlines about Obama and Biden on Rape except there attacks on The Righties. However, I found this article "Rape jokes to the Right and the Left" Thank you Ed Morrissey for summing it all up.

In the article it shows the Democrats on McCain by stating this:

“Offensive, disgusting comments like these cannot be tolerated,” said DNC communications director Karen Finnery. “Sen. McCain’s refusal to return the money Williams raised for him raises serious questions and shows the reality behind his rhetoric about running a new kind of campaign.”
Cecile Richards, daughter of the late governor and president of the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, blasted McCain for being ignorant of Williams’ history.
“Clayton Williams’ totally inappropriate remarks about women are well-known,” Richards told the Chronicle. “Planning to host a fundraiser at his house is just another example of how out of touch John McCain is when it comes to women’s issues. This is a major misstep for the McCain campaign, who is having a hard time getting support from women.”

The article then show the Republicans in regards to Al Franken stating this:

"Nonetheless, Republican state Rep. Laura Brod said the quotes combined with the Playboy piece shows “a pattern of behavior which is not suitable for a U.S. senator.”
“Rape, a joke. Just think about it. Rape is not a punchline and it certainly is not funny,” Brod said, adding, “To thousands of women in this nation who are raped and sexually assaulted, the prospect that a man making a living joking about these things would be a U.S. senator is absolutely horrifying.”


Now since I have commented on McCain and Palin, I find it only fair to address Al Franken. An article entitled "Franken's Senate Race Haunted by 1995 Rape Joke on 'SNL' Set" according to the article Franken stated this:

"And 'I give the pills to Lesley Stahl. Then when Lesley's passed out, I take her to the closet and rape her.' Or `That's why you never see Lesley until February.' Or, `When she passes out I put her in various positions and take pictures of her."


Funny..........UMMMM, NO!

And and according to ABC News:

"Eight years ago, Franken penned a column for Playboy called "Porn-O-Rama!" in which the former Saturday Night Live comedian wrote about visiting a made-up sex institute where he takes part in sexual acts with humans and machines."

Soooo........

I agree with Ed Morrissey when he states:

"People use humor in many different ways, and sometimes it comes out badly. A joke in poor taste from eight, thirteen, or eighteen years ago does not condemn a person to a Dante-like Circle of Political Hell. The shrieking hysterics on both sides need to dial down the outrage."


People do use humor in different ways, I however, do not think about a rape joke as being funny. However, when thinking about Halloween I always thought going as a salt shaker and a battery "A Salt and Battery" was funny and a cute idea.

Now, Victoria whats the difference between you never thinking jokes about rape are funny but thinking an A Salt and Battery costume is. I'll tell you.....THERE IS NONE.

Hold on I'm going somewhere with this one. Because I thought the "A Salt and Battery" costume was funny then, did that mean I thought being assaulted or battered was a funny thing...........NOPE, SURE DIDN'T.

So what the hell makes my humor in the past that was just as inappropriate as these politicians past comments any different. NOTHING! Well, except that I'm not running for office, but... I bet if I was I would be scrutinized for my " A Salt and Battery" costume humor.

Let the Rape jokes go people, even if you were raped like myself, I highly doubt that at some point in your life you did not find something inappropriate funny.

This election has nothing to do with rape, the jokes are just a weeny way to attack both sides. Neither side I believe is now or will be while in office to concerned with rape laws and the like. I could be wrong..........yes it could happen.

With all the Rape talk and sexually inappropriate things in the media, the only real one that concerns me is Palin ignoring the rape kits. For two reasons, one is a little about rape but the other is just straight forward, what else will she ignore.

Also, I believe that out of all the rape talk BS , McCain would be the closest candidate to realize the suffering of rape. I AM NOT STATING HE IS MY CHOICE! I am stating that he went through horrible pain and suffering, and a violent rape is pain and suffering!

Soooooo.........bring it on candidates, you want a recently raped girl on your side, come and get me, let's see what we can do!!



Victoria Placeo




Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Crap How Many Times Can You Get Raped after Getting Raped!!

I mean really, dealing with this, YES I'M GOING TO CALL IT RAPE, how many more things can happen to you. Dealing with a sexual assault is enough trauma and burden. It's like I'm being raped over and over again.

According to the Free Dictionary Rape is also defined as:

Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice.

and

To seize and carry off by force.


So, here I go....

First, an organism kicked in my door and violently raped me, I was raped.

Second, the organism was bonded out less then 12 hours after the incident. I could not stay in that town or with my family for fear of what the organism would do. Raped of my safety

Third, I didn't press the charges against the organism (not saying that I shouldn't of), the state did, there raped of my right to choose.

Forth, I could not live in my apartment any more, could not deal with memories, raped of my home.

Fifth, it was a small town I just moved to 8 months prior, so small you would see everyone. Twice, I had profane things yelled at me while in that town, I could not stay in the town. Raped of my location.

Sixth, I GOT FIRED, while on medical leave due to the rape, raped on my income and employment.

Seventh, I had limited support and a family that did not know how to deal. Today is the sixth week they have not called me. Raped of my family.

Eighth, due to trauma and stress I am having massive hair loss, raped of my looks and self-esteem.

Ninth, do to know income and no new job yet, I am selling my stuff, raped of my personal belongings.

Tenth, I asked my friend in an email to donate a buck, nothing, raped of trust and the kindness of humanity.

Eleventh, the attorney who was going to do the civil suit and also help with the unemployment. The only avenue was to go after the bar that got the organism drunk. I can't do that, I can't hold another individual responsible for the organisms actions. Due to not doing that part, the attorney said I could not pay for her time and would not help with unemployment, raped again and I am not even sure how to categorize that one.

Twelfth, the main reason for this post. I applied for unemployment in July and my employer contested it. THREE MONTHS LATER ,I finally had an interview with the state workforce and my past employer today. It was horrific, they told half-truths and had all there dates mixed up and said I resigned, I DID NOT!! Raped of any hope for future income and raped of any type of trust I have in any employer in the future.


I am sure I have left many things out, such as....

-Being dropped off after the ER to my apartment with no door and no one with me (a bit negligent I think)
-Family comments of how I should be fine by now (that was at the two month mark) and that I was being ridiculous
-Having to get numerous evidence for the case of charges I never pressed
-No media coverage of the organism so it can still have a good name
-Applying for victims assistance in May and received nothing, why did I bother

There is much, much, more, but I don't suppose all the complaining does well for me. Although, I do feel better.

BUT FOR CRAPS SAKES, DON'T I AT LEAST HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE TREATED FAIRLY AND KINDLY. DON'T I HAVE ANY LEGAL RIGHTS TO GAIN BACK WHAT I HAVE LOST. I DID NOT STUB MY TOE PEOPLE! I WAS RAPED!!


Have a great night!



Victoria Placeo

Monday, September 22, 2008

A Tribute To A Secondary Victim - The Rock

As I have written before, family and most friends were not the best support, an unfortunately I am going on my sixth week of not getting a call from my family. They don't even know where I am at.

But this is not about my family and absent friends, this about The Rock. The main secondary victim that has been there through everything. The one individual who's dealt with flashbacks, nightmares, roller coaster emotions, and numorous other things.

I often listen to music when driving and one song always reminds me of The Rock. Please read the lyrics because next to them I put how they relate. Here it is:


Wind Beneath My Wings
By
Bette Midler


It must have been cold there in my shadow,
(It's been about me the entire time)

to never have sunlight on your face.

You were content to let me shine, that's your way,
(The Rock's way, is to let me shine, whenever I can knowing there are not to many times right now)

you always walked a step behind.
(The Rock stands back,silent, unreconized, but is always ready to help)

So I was the one with all the glory,
(Glory of feeling the way I needed to when I needed too)

while you were the one with all the strength.
(The Rock has the strength that I wish I had and he picks me up everytime I fall)

A beautiful face without a name -- for so long,
(The Rock is not noticed or recognized for the care he has given to me, The Rock needs to be!)

a beautiful smile to hide the pain.
(The Rock's smile is beautiful and helps me everytime, The Rocks pain is often hidden for my benefit)

Chorus

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
(Hero is an understatment, The Rock is everything I need and could ever ask for for support)

and ev'rything I would like to be?
("Would like to be" is an understatement as well. The Rock's strength, caring nature, intelligence, and numorous other qualities are everything I would like to be)

I can fly higher than an eagle,
(Fly? I couldn't walk without the Rock)

'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
(My strongest support and more then I deserve)


It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
(I feel I am not grateful enough to The Rock and he does not know that I recoginized all he does)

but I've got it all here in my heart.
(In my heart, I know how blessed I am to have The Rock)

I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,

I would be nothing with out you.
(A strong lyric, I honestly don't know where I would be, who I would talk too, or if I could have made it this far without The Rocks kindness and support)

Chorus
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and ev'rything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly away,

you let me fly so high.
(The Rocks let's me be me, and encourages me to do what will make things better.)

Oh, fly, fly,

so high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.

Thank you, thank you, thank God for you,

the wind beneath my wings.
(Thank God for my Rock! I believe the that without The Rock I would be more of a mess. I believe the Lord gave me the Rock, knowing it was needed, and perhaps for something more)

I wish there was an award, some way to give The Rock all the recognition he deserves. Alone, The Rock has been there, dealt with things that most do not know how to, and did it with an open heart.

I love The Rock for all he has and want to find a way to give him everything back that he has given me!

Thank You My Unconditional Supporter, My Strength, MY ROCK!!



Victoria Placeo



Sunday, September 21, 2008

Four Month Incident (anniversary) of Rape

I have not posted since the 17th, why, the 18th was the for month incident of the rape.

In the title of this post, I used the word incident instead of anniversary. As I have wrote in past posts, I think of the word anniversary, to be something good. The rape does not deserve the term anniversary and I do dislike how everyone uses it in regards to rape.

The anniversary dates are hard for me to explain. I don't look at the dates dreading when the 18th will roll around. It just happens, you see the date on news articles, online, in stores, everywhere, and you just remember.

I do my best not to focus on it and to keep busy, but part of the trauma with incident dates is highly unconscious I believe.

Without even visual memories or thinking about the assault, my emotions shift. I get depressed, irritated, and feel hopeless.

As of now, I really don't like people at all. Logically, I tell myself that it was not other people who did this, but it doesn't matter. On incidents dates, I become even more withdrawn and my disgust for humanity grows.

Remember I was in the helping people field. My job was to help those less fortunate and I loved it. Now the thought of people is just an annoyance, and it magnifies on incident dates.

While researching "rape anniversary dates" I found this article from The United States Department Of Veterans Affairs.

In the article it states:

"For example, a traumatic memory of a rape might contain the information that it’s important to (1) be afraid of strange men at night, (2) run away if approached, (3) feel frightened, and (4) think one is in danger and needs help. An anniversary reaction can occur because the date of the original trauma (or some other trigger) activates a traumatic memory that produces strong emotions as well as physiological reactions, negative thoughts about the world, and protective coping responses."

I am not afraid of men, however I do not like to be approached, I do have the emotions and physiological reactions and very strong negative thoughts abou the world.

The article also states:

"Perhaps the most common reaction on the anniversary of a trauma is a reactivation of the feelings, physiological responses, and thoughts that occurred at the time of the event. For example, on the anniversary of a rape, a woman might feel frightened, nervous, and unsafe."

No argument from me on that one!

Arousal and Avoidance are also mentioned and once again,that's me.

I hate fitting in to this symptoms. I think I should be stronger because, I have worked in mental health for years. The Rock has stated that it does not matter what my past employment was, I was still victimized.

My question is will the 18th of any given month every be forgotten. My belief is no every time that date roles around, I will remember. I have to be patient I guess because over time the trauma is "suppose to" diminish.



Victoria Placeo

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Rape Victims View Of Palin and The Rape Kit Controversy

I have been looking at this controversy since it first surfaced and of course went through many news articles and blogs. I finally said just write it, Victoria.

I found this recent article entitled "Palin And Rape-kit Charges" by Steven Benen.

The article state:

"[Former Gov. Tony Knowles (D)] broke new ground while answering a reporter's question on whether Wasilla forced rape victims to pay for their own forensic tests when Palin was mayor. True, Knowles said.Eight years ago, complaints about charging rape victims for medical exams in Wasilla prompted the Alaska Legislature to pass a bill -- signed into law by Knowles -- that banned the practice statewide."

The question was answered by Knowles, yes Wasilla did have rape victims pay for the kits until the bill was passed in 2000.

USAToday also confirmed that the law was passed partly due to Wasilla:

WASILLA, Alaska — In 2000, Alaska lawmakers learned that rural police agencies had been billing rape victims or their insurance companies $500 to $1,200 for the costs of the forensic medical examinations used to gather evidence. They quickly passed a law prohibiting the practice.
According to the sponsor, Democrat Eric Croft, the law was aimed in part at Wasilla, where now-Gov. Sarah Palin was mayor. When it was signed, Wasilla's police chief expressed displeasure.

So, from 1996 to 2000 Palin was Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. And the law was passed in 2000.

Doesn't really matter much to me what her stance is now, as many have stated, it's her record that one needs to consider.

Noooooowwww, from a rape victims point of view. The idea of charging any rape victim for the rape kit is preposterous. As it has been put many times,there is absolutely no difference where the crime scene took place EVEN IF IT WAS THE BODY!!

From a political point of view I'm backed in a corner. Of course my views have changed since the rape, however, there are many factors besides McCains Raped Ape joke and Palins rape kit fiasco that make the 2008 election a hellacious decision.

Also according to America Police Beat as of 2009 all states will have to pay for the rape kits.

A comment on that article states "I think that it is ridiculous to make the states pay for the kits when it is a very serious crime."

Perhaps, buuuutttt, the states already pay for many things, and at times that money seems like some kind of reward for being a certain way. What does that mean? I'm leaving it at that, if you can't figure it out, that's good, you will probably less bitter no knowing what I mean.

Soooo, who should pay for the rape kits? I can't answer who, but I know, raped or not, I would much rather pay for a victims rape kit then some of the other asinine things I've paid for for years!!



Victoria Placeo

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

From The Secondary Victim - The Rock

As I have posted in the past I had very little support now and throughout this. I have spoke of The Dynamic Duo, the two that were there for me no matter what.

I received this from The Rock, the main secondary victim of The Dynamic Duo. Here is the unedited words from The Rock:

Holy emotional mix.

A month ago I went to the sentencing. As I stated before, I had met the perp briefly earlier this year, now, there he was. Brought into the court room in shackles and in striped jail suit, I did like that touch by the county. I think when one visualizes evil, they expect horns and hooves, and he had none of that at all. For a very, very brief second, I almost felt pity. I then recollected Victoria’s statement of the night of the crime and all feelings of pity left me. He was the object of scorn that he deserved to be again. No contrition, no remorse in him. He didn’t look back at anyone in the courtroom, just sat there with his eyes forward. I was raging, mentally trying to gauge how long the bailiff (armed) would take to react to my coming across and exacting the vengeance I felt upon that sub-human scum.

Then there was Victoria. We waited over 50 minutes from when it was supposed to start until the sentencing started. I was a bundle of nerves. One can only guess what she was going through. Family members were there for a while, but one developed some sort of back ailment and “had” to leave. Damn it people this is your kin, can’t you put your own discomfort aside for her? Apparently not. One did come back with another fam member, so that was a small positive. As I am not known to her family, I had to leave it to them to comfort her. One actually did hug her as she was breaking down, but it took just too long. The pain she was feeling was just too great not to notice. I have no good feelings toward any of them.

We’re coming up on the 4 month mark. Victoria is now fighting her feelings. All, if not most, of the PTSD and RTS sites have a timeline that is fairly common. She is on and a bit ahead of the schedules, but she is stubborn and feels she should be better and farther along in recovery. She’s told me several times that feelings are never wrong. Please realize that. How you feel is how you feel. If it’s good, it’s good. If it’s down, it’s down. You cannot fight how you feel.

I think that I’m doing well with all of this. This is the woman I love and everyday, I’m excited about our time together. She’s a ray of light in my world and it is always like that whether she is up or down. I am happy that I can be here for her. I think that the one of the biggest things that people my situation deal with is our loved one’s feelings of being unworthy. I love her and she is more than deserving of anything that I can give her. She is a beautiful, wonderful woman whom I am lucky to have found. The crime committed against her has in no way diminished who she is and it is up to us as support people to keep that in the mind of our loved ones. Very easy to do since we know the truth about how we feel about our loved ones and telling her that I love her is a great joy of my life.



I believe secondary victims like The Rock are very special people. The Rock has been my strength and I will never forget him.



Victoria Placeo

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Internet Pornography Reduces Rape - SAY WHAAT?

While Browsing I found this article, too funny, shocking, I'm speechless, not to post.....

Internet Pornography Reduces Rape



Conservative evangelical Christians have always claimed that the continual watching of pornography is harmful and has to be banned to protect both marriage and to protect women. There may be a big hiccup in this claim. As of late, there are a few studies that are showing quite the opposite. Even scarier to religious anti-porn advocates…these studies are showing there is good reason to believe that pornography is not harmful to women and men, but may in fact be helpful by reducing the rates of rapes.

The bottom line from these experiments is, "More Net access, less rape." A 10 percent increase in Internet pornography access yields about a 7.3 percent decrease in rapes being reported. Back in the 70’s, state rape counts showed declines when they opened up Internet access. “The effects remain even after you control for all of the obvious confounding variables, such as alcohol consumption, police presence, poverty and unemployment rates, population density, and so forth” according to Clemson professor Todd Kendall.

Kendall continued, “There are no similar effects of Internet access in regards to homicide. The effects are strongest among 15-year-old to 19-year-old perpetrators.... those teenagers are precisely the group that (presumably) relies most heavily on the Internet for access to porn. When you're living with your parents, it's a lot easier to close your browser in a hurry than to hide a stash of magazines. So, the auxiliary evidence is all consistent with the hypothesis that Net access reduces rape because Net access makes it easy to find porn.”
Source: Slate

There may not be any internet effect on homicide, but there is a similar effect on another favorite target of the far right: violent movies.
Here is a fact that most people are not aware of: Violent crime rates fall when a violent movie is released. Instantly. In this same instance, there are a lot of natural experiments to easily document: The number of violent movie releases changes a lot from week to week. One weekend, 20 million people watch Saw, and another weekend, 20 million watch Music & Lyrics.

University of California professors Gordon Dahl and Stefano DellaVigna compared what happens on weekends like these. Their shared conclusion is that more violence on the screen means less violence in the streets. Chiefly supposing this trend happens is due to criminals preferring violent movies over love stories or comedies, so they will entertain themselves and stay out of trouble. They'd rather see the crazy guy in SAW than rob you, but that also means they'd rather rob you than sit through Music & Lyrics.

Next studies will probably be on the violent media and video games. News v the X Box. This would be tougher and more expensive study due to the different times people get there Game Boys out and when they watch their news programs. I wonder which one they’ll find is worse? Hmmm…perhaps this reporter will stick with renting porn and looking at XXX images on the web.


I agree with this author. The reporter should stick with watching porn and looking at XXX images on the net.

Seems like alot of time wasted for such a study. How about this, this is my study.............. RAPIST RAPE! DUE TO A WIDE VARIETY OF FACTORS, GOOD ENOUGH?

Victoria Placeo

Thursday, September 11, 2008

911 A Perspective From A Rape Victim

As an American, September 11 will always be a date to remember and mourn. The many lives changed, uprooted, and demolished from the September 11 events, has always been a horrifying thing to recall, even for me,whom was not directly involved.

Now, even while I write of this event there are many pauses. I pause to cry, for I can only try to feel the unimaginable fear the victims had.

My rape took place on May 18th, during the incident terror was my main feeling and remembering it now terror remains.

My incident will never be the equivalent to the so very many who lost their lives, loved ones, and capabilities due to trauma after September 11, 2001, however there are comparisons.

In the article by Verena Dobnik from The Associated Press entitled Study: 70,000 may suffer post-9/11 stress disorder there are similarities. In the article it states:

"New data from a public health registry that tracks the health effects of 9/11 suggest that as many as 70,000 people may have developed post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the terrorist attacks."

I have many flashbacks, nightmares, and other PTSD symptoms, although they are not from the same cause, I believe the outcome is the similar.

The article also states:

"Overall, half of the respondents said they had been in the dust cloud from the collapsing towers; 70 percent witnessed a traumatic sight, such as a plane hitting the tower or falling bodies; and 13 percent sustained an injury that day."

What a horrendous thing to witness, as I imagine it now my heart breaks. This part of the article shows a great difference in the causes of PTSD.

I did not witness falling bodies. I was exposed to a large organism, pinning me down, yelling profanities, doing whatever it wanted, while I grasped for items on my dresser to save myself, screaming for help that never came.

Another article by Anemona Hartocollis entitled "Survivors still searching for normalcy after 7 years" relates even more to a rape victims after effects. The article states:

"On Sept. 11, 2001, Manning — newly married, the mother of a 10-month-old boy, at the top of her profession on Wall Street — was met by a fireball as she strode into the lobby of the World Trade Center. On a day when New York City hospitals waited to be overwhelmed by casualties, only to realize that most people either perished in the collapse of the Twin Towers or streamed out into the holocaust of ashes largely intact, she was among the oft-forgotten few who were severely injured yet survived."

Like Laura Manning, rape victims are often forgotten. I was forgotten weeks after the rape, many acted as if I just stubbed my toe.

The article also speaks of a woman who was burned named Elain Duch. In the article Duch stated:

“I felt like I was young when this happened, and I feel like I’m old now,” Duch said. “I feel like my past life was a different life.”

This is one statement I strongly relate to. Unlike Duch, I do not feel old, however I do feel hideously ugly. Like Duch, before the rape my life was different. I only have one scar on the outside, but the internal scars immense.

Duch also stated:

“I am happy to celebrate every birthday,” Duch said. “I am never, ever going to be the Elaine that I used to be, but I could have been dead at 49.”

God Bless Elaine Duch, her words so eloquently spoken. Like Duch, I feel I will never be the Victoria I was.

Also, during the rape, I did not know if death was the next step for me. My incident took place two days before my birthday and I was still in shock. I can only pray that I can have an attitude like Elaine Duch's on my next birthday. To feel happy and grateful to celebrate just because I survived and I'm alive.

September 11, 2001 was a devastating day for all Americans. We watched from the outside, our hearts going out to all involved. We watched, we donated, we did what we could, but we would never fully understand what it felt like or how it would feel for all involved in the future.

My circumstances are very different. I in no way want to diminish the pain and suffering that 911 victims and survivors went through or are going through.

Everyone always has something to say. I am sure that many will read this post and be angered that I would dare compare a violent rape to the events of 911.

Sooo..here I go... THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A RAPE VS. 911 COMPARISON!!

What I am trying to portray is that regardless of the travesty whether it be 911, hurricane Katrina, or crime, victims suffer in many similar ways.

Although, I will never know the impact of 911 on survivors lives, I do have a better understanding of the aftermath of disaster due to my incident.

My heart, my thoughts, my prayers, go out to everyone who suffers from 911 today and for many days to come. I am so very sorry for your pain and loss.


Victoria Placeo

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I Need Help! I Am So Alone!

This is one of my moments of desperation. I feel very depressed and alone.

Since the incident everyone, including family, do not call or contact me. I would give anything for someone to ask "How are you doing" or "Is there anything I can do." But no one is there.

The Rock and Angel can only do so much. I feel so bad that I feel that I should just leave The Rock alone and be alone.

There are so many sites that say, "You aren't alone" but when it boils down to it you are. Your trapped in your own mind alone, nails dug into the dirt of the giant hole your in trying to pull yourself out.

Everyone has their own life, they don't have time to care about mine.

I have lost from the incident:

my self-esteem
my confidence
my safety
my trust

From the stress I have lost:

My hair
My looks
My happiness

To top it all off I have lost:

My job ( whom are fighting my unemployment)
My friends
My family
My good credit
My apartment
My town I was living in
My income


Tell me, although God should be enough, why would one go on?


Victoria Placeo

Monday, September 8, 2008

I Prayed For My Organism Today

I did, I cried and prayed, not just for the organism but it was included. Why.....I really don't know. The organism robbed me of many things, but yet I prayed for it to get better and not be sick.

I don't know if it is my belief in forgiveness or the fact that I just have that after rape guilt that Rape Trauma Syndrome talks about.

Despite praying for the organism, I also asked for forgiveness. All this time I have been looking to others for comfort and support. No one is there except for The Dynamic Duo. Don't get me wrong I don't know where I would be without The Rock and Angel, but no one understands and no one is there.

Something I had read in the past is that when no one answers the phone and is not available to you, it is a sign that God wants you to turn to Him...so that is what I did.

I prayed for many things, and yes I prayed that the organism gets well.

I am not trying to push my spiritual beliefs on you. But maybe when no one is around it is your sign like mine to turn to whatever higher power you have.

If you don't have one, or a belief in some universal control, I feel bad for you, and there is nothing more I can say about that.



Victoria Placeo

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Civil Or Not To Civil Suit

I met with a attorney recently with the idea of a civil suit. It was not my idea, many had told me that I should consider it.

I was not sure of pursuing a civil suit. My thoughts were what would I want with the dirty money from that organism. Still I thought I would investigate the issue.

Not to my surprise the attorney informed me that the organism was worth nothing. The attorney did have another idea to get money........here it is.........go after the establishment that got the organism drunk.

Hmmmmm.....now I know that has been done before, but I have major reservations about holding an establishment responsible for the organisms act.

I am still mulling it over, and keep coming to the same conclusion, how could hold them responsible?

I'm stuck here and still very unstable due to the incident, I don't believe I should make any decisions of this magnitude.

I am curious on others thoughts however, so email them to me, if you have them.

Oddly enough, I found an article after typing the above on the issue, sign? Hmmm, another thing to mull over.

The article entitled " Many Rape Victims Finding Justice Through Civil Courts" was posted in the New York Times and be found here


Victoria Placeo

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Drinking Tonight For Fun Nooo To Deal

Yeah well, had a rough day. Nothing really happened, had a black cloud over my head. Couldn't shake it.

I didn't really feel like drinking but did anyway. Has it helped.....noooo....piece of advice.....don't drink to cope or deal. Waste of effort and highly caloric.

Today, I just felt down, I stayed busy, tried to redirect my thoughts, took a nap...etc. etc. etc. Couldn't shake the feeling of hopelessness.

Now, I am only on my fourth beer and quite honestly I think it's just best to go to bed.

New day tomorrow..........



Victoria Placeo

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Rape Can Make Or Break The Family

When I first started seeing a counselor for the rape she told me rape can "make or break the family." I believed that such a horrible event could make a family closer but never in my wildest dreams did I think it could break it.

I have blogged about my support system before, and explained that my family was not the strongest support, but I still needed them.

I need them now. As one member of my family would say I am holding on to it and it has been over three months I need to let it go. Let it go, let it go?

I agree that I should not be curled up in the fetal position and crying everyday. However, even if I was they should still be there.

Some of my friends stated that they just don't know how to deal with it, so that is why they are not supportive. Others have said that certain members of my family think I am not fun anymore and it would bring them down. Many others have said that certain members of my family are alcoholics and they can't see past that. I DON'T CARE THE REASON, I NEED MY FAMILY!!

Tomorrow it will be three weeks since they called me. They don't know where I live, whom I'm with, and if I am safe an okay. It breaks my heart.

Yeah sure I could call them but throughout this entire rape incident, I have been trying to reach out to them. At one point, I did stop reaching because it seemed to do me more harm then good. I never cut them off though, I answered if they did call an if they emailed, but that has stopped. I feel like what has happened to me has made me a big inconvenience.

There have been two extended family events and my incident was not mentioned but hidden. I actually had to leave one because I got tired of lying about employment and relationships, etc.

I don't want a big production, but for crap sakes one of my family members had a miscarriage and we all knew. So what is the difference, pain is pain, suffering is suffering.

There is a lighter side of the unfortunate lack of family support. Growing up I have always been the bad seed, the odd one. It is now clear to me and thank goodness everyone else involved that they are nutty. Without me even telling others, them just being present, they said my family was off.

I don't like to see it that way, but being in the mental health field for so many years I have seen similar families react the same way. I just never thought it would be my own.

I want my family to care, but I have to allow them to be who they are.

Three weeks tomorrow, I want to see how long it will take for them to wonder if I'm okay.



Victoria Placeo

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

THE FIRST PERSON TO LISTEN TO ME AND THANK YOU!!

For once throughout all of my ordeal someone listened. No, it was not family, therapists, the justice system, it was another blogger and God love her. Her name is Dr. Melissa Clouthier and she took the time read my post on prison rape which prompted her to write this:

When Rape Is Okay

A strange confluence of events brought me around to the topic of rape. First, a reader had found my post on prison rape. The woman, Victoria Placeo was raped and her rapist was convicted, with his sentence reduced because of inmate overcrowding. Her response to a Houston Chronicle article discussing the problem of priso rape in some Texas prisons prompted this:

“OK….my first thought before reading the article was GOOD IF THEY ARE IN PRISON THEY DESERVE IT. That was the angry rape victim in me. I had the terror of recalling my incident and then thought no one deserves that.”

I think Victoria’s response typifies how most people feel. I also think that most people aren’t considering that it’s the weak, the white-collar criminal, the gang unaffiliated, the young, who are being preyed on by the rapists, molesters and murderers in prison. Logically, it’s not the big, mean guys being raped. it’s the lower guys in the pecking order being abused. The men inside of prison may have broken the law, but that does not justify the law being broken on them.

It doesn’t matter who is getting raped. It is wrong.

Prisoners should not be meeting out punishment to other criminals for crimes outside of the prison. Once prisoners are in the clink, a whole new society and set of rules comes to the fore, true enough. But criminals are not sent to prison to be abused. IF society deems that a person deserves to be raped for their crimes, then society should have the decency to make the punishment public.

So, for example, as much as Jeffery Dahmer’s crimes sickened me, and they did, I was not happy about hearing that he had died by being killed by a broom handle and bleeding to death while prison guards were in the bathroom. Justice would have been a public hanging. But Americans, or some Americans these days, are uncomfortable with seeing the consequences of crime. They’re all squirmy when it comes to owning their role as enforcer. So, they’ll prefer a brutal murder inside a prison to a public hanging where everyone could see what happens to filth who rape, murder, and torture.

On the same day I received the comment on the prison rape article, Cassy Fiano sent me this post about a celebrity blogger, What Would Tyler Durden Do? wishing rape on P. Diddy or whatever he goes by these days for wanting oil prices to go down so he can fly on his personal jet. Here’s Diddy’s contribution to the problem of oil prices:

“Your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look. Gas prices are too motherf*ckin high. I want to give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if y’all could please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it. But right now, I am actually, can you believe it, I am actually flying commercial. That’s how high gas prices are ok, so I feel you. Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is really happening. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down.”

Diddy isn’t going to win any awards for policy brilliance, but he’s a musician. He’s also a pampered celeb who, and I’m just taking a stab at this here, doesn’t quite get real suffering. Who gives a flip? If you’re an environmental, leftist celebrity blog wacko, you do. And Tyler Durden (playing on the whole “What would Jesus do”) has his own form of rough justice:

“The fact that this jackass hasn’t been raped by a bear with AIDS is how you know hubris and karma are just fairytales.”

Where is the love? Where is the mercy? These are the same people who will donate to the ACLU and protest the death penalty, but that’s all fine in theory. But for people who break moral laws near and dear to their hearts, like say, loving cheap fossil fuel so you don’t have to suffer the indignity of flying commercial (and it is an indignity), well, that person deserves rape and AIDS.

Rape is never okay, no matter who is doing it. Fantasizing about an ideological enemy getting raped isn’t cool, either. Turning the other way, at the problem of prison rape makes America a more uncivilized and brutal place. Prison rape is the definition of cruel and unusual punishment. It is not funny. It is not deserved. It is not justice.

If Americans want to sanction this behavior, then they should be willing to bring it out of the prison kitchens and closets. Justice should be public. It should represent the will of the people. It’s time to bring back public hangings, if only to bring back the public conscience.



Might I say I firmly agree with Dr. Melissa on her stance of bringing punishment back out into the public. If people believe a certain punishment is due then quit hiding it.

However, by doing this I realize that, that would make us a more uncivilized society but...... we had no problem showing Saddam's death on TV after complaining for years about how uncivilized it was for Iraqis to show executions..........and what worries me is that if prison rape and other deaths in prison are witnessed by guards are we civilized or just very good at secrets?


WHOA...HOLD ON VICTORIA.. this blog is not about politics its about rape....so sorry to get off track, just liked her article and SOMEONE FINALLY LISTENED TO ME!!

Of course this blog is not about listening to me, but it is important to me because there was never any news about my incident, I was swept under the rug, by the town, media, and others who shall remain nameless.



By the way didn't know Dahmer died liked that, he was sick, but that's just as sick!



Victoria Placeo