Thursday, October 30, 2008

I Feel So Bad

Sometimes, I just feel so bad, depressed I guess you would say. Sleeping sounds like the only answer.

Little things that upset me before are magnified times a hundred. I can't blame others for that, but sometimes I think people just don't think.

I know that people are selfish, not necessarily on purpose, and I don't think they should not be. You are the only one looking out for you, so you have to have an element of selfishness.

In the case of a rape survivor people really just don't think about how it might hurt or help the survivor. I don't believe they do things on purpose to hurt the survivor, however there is no thought.

You would not ask a person dying of cancer to accept certain things, be a certain way, or not feel how they feel.

THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE THE RAPE SURVIVOR IS SUFFERING AT TIMES AS WELL!!!


Victoria Placeo

Monday, October 27, 2008

Out of the Mouths of Babes - What I Learned from a Seven Year Old

I was visiting a friend last week in my hometown. She has been one of those friends that has been around to listen and be supportive. She has three darling little children 2 boys and a girl.

The night I was there her 7 year old girl had a swollen, infected finger. Apparently, she had had it the day before and it was getting worse. My friend and her husband decided that it would be best to take her to a clinic open at night to have someone look at it.

I accompanied my friend and her that precious 7 year old to the clinic. Her daughter seemed calm and also has the gift of gab. We arrived at the clinic and everything seemed to go smoothly. They got us in quickly and sat the little girl up on the table.

After the nurse took her temperature and noted the problem, she exited, and my friends daughter began to talk. She spoke randomly about the different items in the room and seemed to not even take a breath between speaking.

Then she began to speak about her finger, it's condition, and what the doctor might do, this is not verbatim but kind of how it went:

"The doctor will look at it probably and see it and give me a pill, maybe one i can chew. Maybe the doctor will give me a pill to drink and it will go in my stomach and down to my finger."

She spoke these words while looking back and forth at myself and her mother. She looked at me for what seemed like a need for confirmation and I stated that, that was probably what the doctor would do. While her eyes rolling around as if she were thinking she went on to say:

Yes the doctor will give me medicine and we will pick it up and that won't be hard. No, this won't be hard, I'll just get the medicine and that's all and my finger will be good. This won't be a hard one.

As I sat there I realized here was this precious 7 year old girl, scared on the inside of what was going to happen. She was verbally talking herself through the steps and confirming to herself, that the visit would go find and she would be alright.

As cute as it was it awakened something in me. Much like my friends amazing daughter, who had the ability at 7 to make everything alright, I must two speak the way I want things to be.

Here is what I should say, much like my friends daughter, to make thinks okay:

So I was raped, and they took me to the hospital. The man got put in prison, so I am safe now. I did get fired for being on medical leave, but I think there are many jobs out there. I don't have much support and financially no one wants to help, but I do have a few people to be there. With time I will find a way to get back on my feet and feel better. Yes, this won't be a hard one.

I learned this from a 7 year old and I believe that it is true. I believe that like my friends daughter, I need to rationalize the future of what I want to happen. This won't be a hard one.

One of the most touching and valuable tools I have witnessed and used so far came.......Out Of The Mouths Of Babes.


Victoria Placeo

Monday, October 20, 2008

Suicide is Never an Option...But What Does A Rape Survivor Do?

It is my belief that suicide should never be an option and in my life it is not. I was never one of the people who looked at anyone who did commit suicide and say "oh how selfish." I didn't believe it then and don't now.

However, I have a much better understanding now, at leave in a rape scenario.

What do you do when someone took away your safety and self-respect?

What do you do when:

You lost your security, self-esteem, your town, your job, your home,your income, your health insurance, your friend and family supports......what is left?

I understand that all this shall pass and that the town, job, etc. there will be more of those. What about your support, when you actually realize that the people you thought would be there are not, it is a eye-opener.

The really sad part is that if the organism would have hurt me physcially bad enough to be hospitalized, people would be there. Whats even worse is that when you realize if the organism would have killed you then and only then, would people take notice.

I have had thoughts such as it would be easier if I were gone, but I dont beleive in it. I have also had thoughts that the organism should of done it right and knocked me off, no suffering then.

Anyway, I have given up for now, I have lost all hope.

Victoria Placeo



Saturday, October 18, 2008

5 Month Rape Anniversary Tribute - To The Organism

In Honor Of The Five Month Anniversary Date Of Rape, I Thought I Would Dedicate a Little Song To The Organism





Thanks For Everything You Prick!!
Victoria Placeo


2008 Candidates WHO TO VOTE FOR.....AHHHH

Don't what to say, guess don't mess with a pissed off rape victim?

This is the 5 month anniversary of the rape, and I am livid. I have not blogged in a while , been having the dreaded depression.

The things I have to write about today are many, but since the election is coming up I will stick to that.

Registered independent here, and in awe and disgust on what I read on the subject of rape and the candidates.

Mccain with the raped ape joke
Mccain voting against Biden on the rape tests
Palin ignoring the rape tests
Obama seeking out a rape victim for an add
ETC ETC ETC......................

I am not going to cite all these, if you want to find them and are reading this you know how to work a search engine.

Also, I realize that they are tactics to bring the other side down, the big lefties and righties battle.

I can not speak for other rape victims , survivors, whatever. I can say that RAPE IS NOT A SIDE SHOW!!

Because rape and sexual assault survivors did not get raped in one big disaster.........DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE IS NOT A BIG GROUP OF SURVIVORS THAT NEED HELP!

I know you have your the arrogant bloggers who say .........oooohhhh listen to the little angry rape girl , hope shes in counseling (no worries I am)!! If your one of those quit reading an ignore the post people are either tired of hearing from you or they come out of the shear need for amusement.

YES, I am angry, but you know it is not necessarily about the rape, its about people not helping people in need because it was not a mass disaster. Its about me ignoring for many years people crys for a little help in a time of need. Its about me being in the mental health arena for years helping victims and never really understanding what it was like. AND YES IT'S ABOUT THE CANDIDATES WHO ONLY ADDRESS RAPE WHEN THERE ATTACKING NOT WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!!

So the angry little rape girl says BRING IT ON CANDIDATES!! TELL ME WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!!

No offense to the McCain/Palin but I believe this is an area you should pay attention to.

LET ME HELP....IT'S LIKE A HURRICANE, ALL THE UNFORTUNATE PEOPLE HIT........EXCEPT NOT ALL AT ONCE, STILL WANDERING AROUND NEEDING HELP!!

So, if you feel the need to critique this, don't bother, I am not here to to win a proper english award, speak for all victims, OR IMPRESS YOU!!

If you agree or have CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM feel free!!

Bring it on candidates tell me what YOUR GONNA DO ABOUT IT!!

Feel free to email me at victoriaplaceo@gmail.com


Victoria Placeo

By the way I really am a nice person

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Social Network for Rape and Sexual Assault Survivors Launched

Yesterday I launched RASA Survivors a social network for Survivors and Secondary Survivors of rape and sexual assault.

Notice how I state SURVIVORS! There are many forums and groups out there for people which are wonderful, but this site is different. RASA Survivors is a network where individuals who were victimized come and focus and share tool, techniques, etc that leads to a survivor not a victim. Survivor means moving forward, looking towards the future and living life again.

If individuals need to talk about what happened to them there are plenty of wonderful counselors, groups, and forums to go too.

This site is also different in the fact that everyone has a different way of healing. The mental health field is crucial in recovery, but there are many alternative routes that have helped people. I encourage no matter what it is, as long as it is beneficial to others and of course not offensive, for each person to share what information they have.

The site is monitored throughout the day, just to assure that things are positive in nature and will benefit its members.

If you are a Survivor or Secondary Survivor of Rape or Sexual Assault, I encourage you to come see what we are about and make new positive friends. If you are not either, but know someone who is a survivor, do them the favor of directing them to http://www.rasasurvivors.com



I look forward to meeting some of you at New social network for rape and sexual assault survivors!!


Victoria Placeo

Monday, October 13, 2008

Secondary Victim Of Rape - The Rock Comes Through Again

In past posts I have asked for assistance stating my situation and also asking people to buy my items so I could survive for a while. No one heard my plea but once again The Rock , my main secondary victim did.

The Rock created this website entitled Victoria Placeo

The Rock as I have mentioned in past posts is my main secondary victim of my rape. Without the Rock I don't know what I would do. Once again throughout everything he is the only one that came through. I make it my mission to make sure he knows how wonderful he is.

The website he created can be found here:

http://victoriaplaceo.chipin.com/victoriaplaceo

This money I will use to pay for medical bills not covered by Victims Assistance,my personal bills (yes I am applying for jobs, against therapists advice), food, and shelter.

Thank you for your help and Thank you Lord for The Rock!




Victoria Placeo

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Palin,Rape Kits,2008 Election Again From A Rape Survivor

I don't know Larry At Large and at first he seemed to be a little severe. However, after reading his posts on his site larry@large, I like him. He's blunt and amusing, in fact even his subheading is great:

AN INDEPENDENT CONSERVATIVE LOOK AT THE STORIES

THAT ARE USUALLY NOT IN THE LAME STREAM MEDIA

Now who would not want to read that?

Now what does this have to due with Palin and the big rape kit controversy. Well on Larry's page he addresses it, that is how I found the site.

According to Larry:

"Never have I seen so much made about so little. Thousands of left wing blogs are reporting about Gov. Palin and the "FACT" that she authorized the policy that made rape victims pay for their rape kits. The truth is NO victims of rape were ever charged for a rape kits. It's a non-issue... another smear tactic created by some 35year old left wing blogger spewing out all his hatred while living free of charge in his mother's basement!"



Now many could say such a thing, buuuutttt, Larry backs it up with an official report which can be found here:

http://larryatlarge.tripod.com/wassilarapekitreport.pdf

Now, I can hear it now, how can someone who has been violently raped, think it is a non-issue. Precisely, that is all someone will read that Larry@large called it a non-issue. Typical emotional response especially if you are a victim. READ THE ENTIRE PARAGRAPH!!

If the report from Larry is correct, then it never should have been brought up in the first place.

DO YOU EVEN THINK WHEN I WAS LYING IN THAT HOSPITAL I WAS THINKING WHO WAS GOING TO PAY FOR THE DAMN KIT!!!

Now, on a calmer note, No I believe rape victims should not have to pay for their kits. However, I don't think you go bringing up a subject that looked good for bashing people,especially when YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN RAPED!! Oops, that wasn't calm, so very sorry.

Now for those of you who have been raped, yes it is good to pay attention to things that are important to you. And yes after what you and I have been through we should. We have good and bad days and it is easy for us to emotionally react to things. We see and injustice regarding rape and we react.

The key is to react, relax, and research (hmmm,I should copyright that).....

Will we ever know what is true with Palin and Rape Kits, dunno, the report looks good to me. Regardless, of if we know or not, I believe as a victim I should be a little more proactive.

In fact, I think all survivors of violent crime should be a little more proactive with our efforts. It takes nothing but a second for us to complain about what an official does,I am no stranger to that and probably will complain again.

However, if we research and see what can be done in the future instead of backtracking on what has been done (which again I sure I will do more of, for venting purposes), we may get somewhere.

Either way whether you agree or not, I know for sure that if we keep focusing as a mass group on what we do not want, that's exactly what we will get.

History will not repeat itself in the exact same way if we focus on the wants verses the not wants of our candidates and officials.

Agree or disagree, no need to let me know. I just want to thank Larryatlarge for the info and he blunt nature.


Victoria Placeo


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

To Secondary Victims of Rape - From The Rock

Apparently, during my breakdown Sunday while pleading for help, the Rock wrote his thoughts and I received them in email.

This is what The Rock wrote to other secondary victims of Rape, however I believe it would for any secondary victim of violent crime.

What do you do when there is nothing that you can do?

As secondary victims we are there for our loved one, but there are things that we will just never know. Whether it is the nightmares or flashbacks, these things happen all the time and we are not always present with our loved one. There are going to be times that even though we are always there and supportive, we are still outsiders.

I’m not the type to sit back and let things come to me. I tend to take charge of my situations and work toward a solution. I’m finding now that doing this doesn’t work in this situation. It’s a healing process, but that process takes time and when you have no control over the actions of others i.e. family, victim’s assistance, and unemployment benefits you and I as secondary victims are left with no good explanation, when that explanation is needed.

When it comes down to it, it’s not us that they are upset with; it’s not us that have treated them poorly. We love and support them and have to remember that simple fact. That really is the only that we can do when there is nothing to do.


The Rock has been through it all with me and it is my hope and I am sure his that these words will someday reach other secondary victims of rape or any other crime.


Victoria Placeo



Sunday, October 5, 2008

RAPE VICTIMS ARE NOTHING - YEP I'M PISSED

This is a full blown emotional post, so if I say anything to offend anyone, I AM NOT SORRY!

Apparently, because I am not a cute baby, or an ill person, or a victim of a huge disaster, I am not worthy enough to have anyone one help me.

I am not looking to cash in on my rape, I just need a little freaking help.

The organism should have killed me at least that a way benefit would be arranged for the poor family of the girl that got killed.

When you are left alive, no one cares, no one wants to help, and could really give a rats ass about you.

If I would have been beaten to a pulp or severely burned, people would want to help. I just want someone to say hey, this must be hard for you, is there anything I can do to help.

But I am not a cute baby or and extremely ill person and the organism didn't kill me. Therefore, I am not worth the respect of the organism getting media coverage, getting any help , or any assistance. I survived so I am screwed.


Have great day!!



Victoria Placeo

PS I welcome your emails, ITS GO TIME!













Friday, October 3, 2008

Rape Victims Plea for Help - I'm Sorry I didnt want it to come to this

I have blogged a while now and I never wanted it to come to me asking for help, but I need it.........let me explain.......

At the end of May 2008, an organism (man, but I don't like to call it that) kicked in my door and violently raped me. I am emotionally and physically scared. That should be enough to deal with....yes?

The state pressed charges, which automatically put me in the passengers seat of another battle. They had much evidence but had difficulty finding other things they needed. I had to go into overdrive mode and get other evidence myself. A little bit after I retrieved some evidence for the state, the organism took a plea bargain.

Why am I complaining about that. I'm not, I am grateful for the organism taking the plea bargain and off to prison, but if the state could not convict him or get the evidence they needed they should not have pressed the charges.

From the rape to sentencing was complete stress, not just with the rape trauma, but with having to find evidence etc.

I was put on medical leave for the incident, and in July they fired me for it. I had an interview with unemployment and they denied me. I appealed this week. I was on medical leave, I was raped, I WORKED DOING THERAPY FOR THOSE IN NEED, and they fired me.

I lost my apartment, but I could not go back there anyway, the landlord did not give me the deposit back due to the kicked in door, which would have helped.

I just moved to the small town in 2007 so I really had no solid ground or friends yet. The town was small enough that I had to go. I knew one person in the area (I had to stay in the area due to legal things) and they let me have a room, so I do have a room.

When I went back to that small town I had a couple of profane things yelled at me which added to the stress.

I applied for victims assistance in may, I finally received a small check (well under 1000)in September to cover some bills.

A lawyer said they would take my case, but my only option was to sue the establishment that got the organism drunk prior to the rape. Ethically, I can't do that, I can't blame a place for the organisms behavior. The lawyer was going to help me with all matters until I stated that I did not want to sue the establishment. Her clerk told me I could not afford her time.

Due to the stress, I am on pills to try and get my hair to quit falling out. They are not working.

Do I have family yes. I had not heard from them in 7 weeks until last weekend. They don't ask how I am doing or if I am okay, they don't talk about it.

I travel when I can to get counseling, but the only therapists around here are all connected with the establishment that fired me, guess you know why I cant go to them.

At one point I asked my friends to donate a buck, didn't see a thing.

I am selling my personal items to pay my bills. I want to recover well and keep my credit good , I am doing the best I can.

Do I deserve any more help then anyone else, probably not.

But I look up how to fund raise and I see help blah blah pay for there wedding and help blah blah pay off this or that. Why can't people donate to a rape victim is it so much of taboo subject.

If just a small amount of people would help with a buck to five I could live another month.

I don't want to go shopping, I just want to buy groceries, pay my bills, have an apartment or be able to pay for my room.

My hope is that someone will read this and donate with my paypal button on the side.

My hope is that a civil organization may see this and see my rights have been a little screwed over.

My hope is maybe an attorney would read this and want to help.

My hope is that maybe someone has a fundraising idea.

My hope is for someone to care enough, to help a little.

I know I am not a 911 or hurricane victim, but I have lost everything to.

Please help me, I will do all I can, to make sure I could get you back when you need me. If you don't want to donate maybe you could buy my stuff?


If you have questions email me

Thanks


Victoria Placeo




Wednesday, October 1, 2008

True Courtroom Humor ... Sadly So Very True

I received this email this morning and got a kick out of it. Then I got to thinking, although I did not have to go to court the deposition was veeeerrrrrryyyy, similar........

True Courtroom Humor ...
----- These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts,
and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken
down and now published court reporters who had the
torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking
place.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?!
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY:&n bsp; Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kiddin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would
you like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in=2 0a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.



Oh boy, HaHa, LOL;) I needed a break from the remembering and addressing the negativity of rape.

As I remember the deposition, I tried to remember some of the funny (not funny at the time) questions the organisms attorney asked me.

I could only really recall one questions that I thought was ludicrous

Now remember, I lived in an upstairs apartment with an outside door. You had to walk up steps onto a wooden balcony and there were only 2 apartments upstairs.

So it went like this and remember THIS IS NOT VERBATIM:

Attorney: So you heard The Organism(my word)yelling out side your apartment
Me: Yes
Attorney: Are you sure it was The Organism (my word) who yelled outside the door
Me: Yes
Attorney: Could it have been someone else
Me: No
Attorney: How are you sure it was The Organism (my word)
Me: Because I know it's (the organism, my word)voice and less then 10 seconds later it kicked in my door and entered my bedroom.

Not funny, but yet kinda. Where do they get these people. You could barely fit 2 people on the landing outside my apartment.

Don't get me wrong I like attorneys, without them I would not have gotten a little justice but come on.

If I remember more I'll post them, but it probably won't happen, I try not to recall it.




Victoria Placeo