Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Year of The Rapists Release


Exactly as the title says this is the year of the rapists release from prison, to the best of my knowledge.  Although it is not tooo funny I did have to chuckle at the title of this post, I kept the The Year Of The Dragon:-)

If one may recall the man (yes I use the word rapist or man now instead of organism) was charged with burglary and rape, things changed a bit and was finally charged with just rape (or the more legal term sexual assault).  So how do I feel about the release?

Well, for a while there especially last year I was VERY nervous and anxious about it.  I was thinking you never know how one may come out of prison, either with good intent to stay out of trouble or bad intent such as vengeance.  My hope is that he has the stay out of trouble mindset, but what I have learned through the years is that you can NEVER underestimate someone.

When I think about the vengeance aspect I do feel nerves rising, that is why I try not to think of it at all.  Trying to predict ones actions is quite a waste of time and the “what ifs” are not healthy for one’s health and well-being.

That being said the issue of where he will be released is a bit unsettling just due to the fact that I still do not live to far from the possible places.  Although you cannot run from your problems you could distance yourself for the sake of your mindset.  When I find out where, I am sure I will have feelings about it, and will post away.

While on the subject of where the sex offender will get released to, another concern is that I have family members in the two main places he may go.  Quite honestly I do not feel I need to go visit those places, some would say that is fear and maybe it is but with all the great places in the world why go there?

I believe in my last rape anniversary post I spoke of some guilt and with the year of release upon me I would like to add to that.  I do feel guilt about putting someone in prison, even if others say he did it himself (which I know is rational, but we do not always have rational feelings).  I feel as if I took years of someone’s life away, and then people say well what did he take from you.  That logic does not really help too much and I may always feel this way, maybe something I should work on or maybe my belief system.  

I have a bleeding heart and always have therefore my mixed emotions of nerves and guilt is somewhat difficult to overcome.  I have the mindset that people do bad things whether it is a horrible act such as rape to a non-violent act such as infidelity.  Both are awful, both are life changing, both hurt, both leave marks. Where I am I going with this one? Just putting my mind out there......

As I stated in my last post, although it was horrible, the after effects from others seemed to be more scarring and even today when I seem to have some troubles, very few are focused around him and what was done.  They more are focused around the assistance, reaction, and lack of support by others.  I will elaborate on those more after effects another time, although I believe throughout the years I have, just in a more aggravated way.

Another thing I did mention in the prior posts of Illness after Rape and the Rape Anniversary is how the emotions I have felt since the “event” and how they may have caused my current lack of health (which I shall talk about another time).  I am a big believer in emotions highly contributing to illness and with the rape and many other life events I have a mind to say my body took a crap on me for many emotional reasons. Of course I am not saying just those alone, but do believe they contribute highly.

So the year is here and consciously I think I am taking it quite well, unconsciously we shall see.  I have been doing some amazing techniques that have assisted me better than any of the counseling I have ever had. 

I will elaborate on those soon as well, but in short, I did not start these techniques with the idea of healing any assault issues, more for my physical health.  While focusing on some of the physical issues I was going through in my life, other issues began to surface and I started to have a shift in my mindset.  The emotions we stuff are amazing.

So all that being said, in summary, this is the year the rapist gets released (man, person, whatever) and surprisingly I do not feel as worried as I did in the past.  I do feel concerned about his motive upon getting out, the area of release, and still deal with that guilt.  Currently the feeling of the rapists released is not as emotionally charged as I thought it would be.  Update soon I am sure…….


Victoria Placeo